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Monday, August 17, 2009

Save Our Profits

[Today, I'm turning the blog over to the biggest potential victim of a healthcare bill that includes a public option: an insurance company CEO. I've granted him anonymity to protect him from facing Obama's death panel.
--Gen. JC Christian, patriot]

Thank you, General, and thanks to all of you who have been doing our bidding at the townhalls. I won't offer you anything of value in return--that would violate my most basic beliefs. But I can offer you the satisfaction of knowing that you have achieved a momentary blip in the thoughts of a very grateful economic elite. You are engaged in the greatest of all civic actions, the defense of our profit margins. For that we thank you.

Today, we are threatened with the possibility that a public option will be included in the final healthcare reform bill. It's a fairly remote possibility--we pay our Congressmen well--but one that will yield disastrous consequences on our profit margins should it pass.

You see, a public option would represent a competitive force that would compel us to cut costs. Our compensation is likely one of the places where such cost cutting would occur. Take a look at what some of us are making now:

Let's say the public option forces us to cut our pay by 10%. That would mean our average annual pay would decrease by $1.54 million. We'd have to settle for a vacation estate in Provence rather than a townhouse on the Seine, and poor Junior would suffer the humiliation of driving to Andover in a Corvette rather than a Maserati.

It gets even worse if Congress changes it's focus from defending us to providing the most affordable kind of healthcare reform: single payer. It's a long shot, but once the greedy working class learns that they can get comprehensive health care for as little as $56 Canadian a month, you know they'll be demanding it. I mean, my God, in Canada, you can get a bad kidney removed and pay only 18 Loonies out of pocket. That's how cheap healthcare becomes without all the administrative costs of private health insurance, but then, I'm out of a job and may never make that second billion.

That's why we're spending so much to convince you the Canadian system is horrible. You've seen our ads, the ones where the Canadians have to come to the US to get a treatment their government deems to be experimental. Sure, we deny the same things and more, but hey, if we covered everything, I might be reduced to flying in a rented jet.

So please keep up the good work, and for God's sake, don't call your congressmen and demand a public option--that's like taking caviar out of my family's mouth.

11 comments:

  1. I'm actually amazed to see that most non-medical companies aren't behind a single-payer, dare I say socialized, healthcare plan. It would hugely reduce their per-employee costs and would provide for a healthier and more productive populace that they could then exploit with greater efficiency.

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  2. Thomas, puhleeze don't tell me you're looking for a rational, reasoned approach to anything from the right wing, wingnuts. I think you're thinking a little irrationally if you are.

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  3. General, Sir:

    I'm happy to report that my inner frenchi, Chuck, didn't get nowhere with the letter writing campaign.

    It did get an automatic answer from one of the congress critters before it was sent to the recycling bin. Other than that? crickets.

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  4. Whatever we do we must, by all means, stop the pubic option. Death to the pubes!

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  5. General, Sir:

    I am happy to report that all of the crybaby liebrals are pissing and moaning about "no public option". Serves 'em the fuck right, I says.

    Hey, Sir, I used this word, "Indignorant" to desribe the useful idiots that folks like Dick Armey egged on with the Obamahitler cartoons and stuff. I think that "indignorant" is oneathem nozzlegisms that gets into the Oxford Unabridgedtonowhere Dikshunairy. So I'm gonna take this opportunity to claim it, "indignorant™©®", there, now I feel better.

    Y'know, Sir, I haven't worn my dress uni for a while. Part of that was that I kept losing the pants, but the other part was that after Darla left me, I just went on a months' long bender, drinkin' SkidrowTini's (equal parts Mountain Dew and Listerine) and eating anything that remained stationary long enough to get a fork in it. But I've been on oneathem "crash" diets. I crashed the command vehicle and can't get down to "PorkRinds'r'Us"; and the liqour store said there was some problem with your credit card. Anyway, I got it out of the closet today, and the damned thing fit! I guess there IS a silver lining in every cloud, even if it's sometimes mercury. Well, Sir, I'll prolly only wear it once in a while, but I looked in the mirror and I LIKE the cut of my jib.


    democommie™™™™™©®ç åü courant, Chief Mechanic, Head Chauffeur, Procurment Specialist and Aide de camp to Jesus General.

    HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-AAAAAAAAAHHHH!

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  6. Thank goodness there are other groups like this one who oppose reforming health care! Watch the "foot fire" video. It's in keeping with Teh Gen'l's underlying message.

    IF YOU THINK THERE'S A PROBLEM WITH AMERICAN HEALTH INSURANCE, YOU'RE SICK!

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  7. Bukko in Australia:

    You should go here http://scienceblogs.com/dispatches/ and look for a Mr. DingoJack. He is from somewhere down under, near to Basil's naughty bits, perhaps. He is a good man with a sense-o-yum.

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  8. If you godless socialists would just convert to real Christianity you could get healed by Jesus. Just send your co-payments to the provider of your choice: Peter Popoff, Benny Hinn, or Pat Robertson.

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  9. Bravo, well done. There is no compromising with lunatics. ignore them and move on. Just love the site, i'm a regular reader now!

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  10. Ignore them at your peril, if they can't get their way they're quite willing and feel justified in killing you or your elected President. Somethings got to be done, but ignoring them won't work, I have no doubt.

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  11. good thougts..thanks for sharing...
    ___________________
    samanth
    Are you scared to be alone at home need security

    ReplyDelete

We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.