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Sunday, September 06, 2009

Obama and the Progressive: a Diary*

The following entries were found in a diary left behind in a Progressive Cave near the Whaddaguy Gorge dig in North America, unearthed after being hidden for almost ten days. A remarkable discovery, by any stretch. Perhaps even a miracle.

Day 161: Obama came over late. I made dinner, but it was cold by the time he got to it and he threw it against the wall. Told me "social security is in trouble" and I bit my lip. He makes up stories, and if I contradict him he out awesome's me, and then I feel unloved and abused. I did tell him that Krugman called, just to piss him off.

Day 166: Some of my progressive friends came over for our Melt Cheney's Body Completely Away Meditation meeting. Then the news came on that Cheney was hospitalized and we all got scared and I had to burn the Ouija Board and the L. Ron Hubbard Volcanic Tea Tray. Obama came home after everyone left and started "fee-fi-fo-fumming" that he could smell the blood of liberals all over the collective bargaining coffee table. I asked him how his wife is and he just glared at me. I know not to go there. But sometimes...

Day 181: I broke the Star of Bethlehem Christmas Tree ornament, and Obama flipped out, said I did it on purpose, yadda yadda. That I had 'disrespected god and Jesus' and I told him the Christians disrespected Mithras and Dionysus and he came unglued...unglued. Told me that without Jesus we would all be shopping less, and war would look too secular. He stopped talking (briefly) because I think he heard himself, but then started in again on how without faith people would have to have proof and where would that lead us? I answered (I know, I shouldn't have) that we all must become grownups if we are to accept responsibility for our actions, and that if someone wanted to believe in a hereafter that was fine, but the Here And Now needed serious, sober attention. He called me an unelectable atheist and said I couldn't prove that the nebulous theological constructs that he routinely asserts in vaguely populist terms were in fact nothing but swamp gas and moonshine, a useless code for an ultimately empty and divisive world view. He was so mad! Ah, but that grin...

Day 198: Last day with Obama. We had it out. He said he never liked coming over, didn't get anything from the conversation and sure wasn't going to start acting like a liberal progressive. I said that was fine, I only spent time with him because Dennis Kucinich wasn't electable, but I still wished him well. It all happened so fast that when I saw him leave it didn't register, not at first. It was like Obama was here, now the door is open...what's on TV?

Holy smokes, I snapped out of it quickly and jumped to my feet. I ran to the window, and called out to the street from my fourth floor apartment.

"Obama! Obama!" I yelled.

He paused dramatically, then turned around on the snow-driven sidewalk and looked up and back at me.

I yelled: "Enough with the Republican talking points bullshit. You want to dance with old white men at some endless Feast of Plenty? Or do you want to face the reality that the Beast will kill us all, for a few dollars more? Either with a gun or a bank, it's all the same to them!"

He just shook his head, took off his coat, assumed a blast-off position, then flew upwards like a rocket, creating a sonic boom as he ferociously ascended into the sky, disappearing into the gloomy collection of clouds that shrouded the city. Up and down the street car alarms were crying like frightened babies, and standers-by looked up in shock. I wasn't impressed. My thought was: Let's see him do it when it counts. We need more than a miracle: we need institutional changes, and his skyrockets in flight act ain't gonna cut it.

I was mulling over that last thought when Obama came back and hovered outside my fourth floor window, just floating in the air, tapping on the frosted glass while steam came out of his mouth. I opened it back up, and he grinned. "Wait 'till you hear me talk about the Silent Majority!" "You wouldn't dare," I responded. The laugh that next escaped from his mouth would have put the devil to shame!


*Originally posted on January 3rd, 2008 at an old haunt of mine. Posted here for the purpose of group reflection...and also because Austin Cline hasn't showed up yet.



  1. Mr. mjs, Sir:

    You know what's REALLY fuckin' awesome? Well, as bad as all of this shit is, we STILL did the right thing. I shudder to think where we'd be headed if that Ol' Skipper and the Ice Princess hadn't been sent off to the island.

  2. Hey! That was posted more than a year ago, unless you somehow managed to alter the dates. Are you trying to make out like you're prescientific or something?


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.