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Tuesday, September 15, 2009

The right to bear arms mean nothing if you have a flat tire

John Velleco
Director of Federal Affairs
Gun Owners of America

Dear Mr. Velleco,

I know you've been very busy working on retaining the right to bear arms at presidential appearances, but dammit, there are other gun-related issues that could use a bit of your attention too. People are sustaining serious injuries out there because you and the NRA have failed to address firearms use in our daily lives.

This 66 year-old is an example of one of those people. Here's a guy who's never needed a firearm to shoot scary, brown-looking people in his yard (or maybe he just wasn't trying); his problem was something you've never addressed: tight lug nuts. And he tried to solve it with a shotgun, a weapon that is completely unsuited for tire changing. What he needed was C-4 plastic explosives--there ain't nothing better for turning a stubborn nut. But you haven't raised a finger to make C-4 available to the average gun owner. So he's left with only a shotgun, and now, a leg full of buckshot.

Same goes for this South Carolinian. Rifles are not the proper weapon for shooting dragonflies. He needed a flame-thrower, another class of armament you've failed to secure for the average guy. Flame-throwers are perfect for dragonfly hunting. Their reach is relatively short--so you won't be shooting your neighbors--and the flame spread creates the perfect kill zone for taking on a flying insect. Unfortunately, because of your inaction, Mr. South Carolina, didn't have a flame-thrower, so he used a rifle and accidental shot his friend.

There is no excuse for this. Responsible gun owners, like Mr Lug Nut and Carolina Boy, should find it just as easy to purchase C-4 and flamethrowers as it was for them to buy a shotgun and a rifle.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

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  1. The Bill of Rights says nothing about firearms... so why aren't these people defensing my right to bear arms - a huge honkin' spiked mace or a bec de corbin? Geez.

  2. I got a feelin' that when the patriotikkk boys from Blackwater lose their jobs because some Islamodhimmifascist preznit decides their contract needs to be cut, and when lots of disgruntled soldiers are mustered out because some Defeatocrats decide that if we can't win our wars against the Mahometans in 10 years, we might as well call it a decade, then Amerikkka will find out that there WAS a lot of C-4 and other fancy weaponry that fell off the back of the supply depot trucks and made its way to militia HQs all over the country...

  3. .
    It's almost impossible to get a gun here in Honolulu. People are compelled to use their fists to silence political opposition and pesky other races.

    But hatred can flourish even under these conditions. Further proof that Hawaii really is America. Sniffle.

  4. General, I promise to refrain from posting the Monty Python “mosquito hunter” episode. But just this once.

  5. And hand grenades. You forgot hand grenades.

    And land mines (to keep "them" off the grass, of course).

  6. In New Jersey we know that the best way to kill dragonflies is to pour gasoline all over the back yard and set it on fire. We change tires with our teeth. I just mention this to keep cracker tourists and Blackwater operatives to the south and the west of the Delaware River.


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.