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Friday, November 13, 2009
The Opinuary Column
Posted by mjs
The Opinion "And for what he has done, we know that the killer will be met with justice –- in this world, and the next." has died as a result of a self-inflicted impossibility, for there is no way "to know" about a "next life" for which there is no evidence. Not to put too fine a point on it, but there is ZERO evidence of some other realm in the intimated after-world. None. Zilch. Nada. To state "we know" and to follow that with "the killer will be met with justice--in this world, and the next one" is a gargantuan pile of oratorical horse puckey. True, it may be helpful to remember that this particular intonation of unprovable hogwash has been delivered by our President at a time when our nation needs to be reassured that the facilities where our soldiers are trained to kill brown people are doing just fine, thank you. And if the hanging judge doesn't get you in this life, you still might have your neck snapped in the next! Hip hip hooray!
The Opinion is joined in death by the thousands of veterans and active duty soldiers who kill themselves every year for a variety of reasons--following the President's logic, one reason why our troops are killing themselves with such alacrity could be to gain the opportunity to kill themselves in the next life, you know, to get to the head of the line. Also joining the Opinion in death are the thousands of veterans who perish every year as a result of having no medical insurance. It is widely believed that these veterans will be denied medical care in the next life as well. Just ask Joe Lieberman.
The Opinion is also joined by over a million Iraqis who will be given the chance to greet our newly dead as liberators in the next life, but have been cautioned to drive slowly up to the St. Peter White Zone Check Points and to follow all instructions very, very closely, after which they will be fired upon anyway. It is hoped they will receive justice in the 3rd Incarnation (the next, next life) but only the very religious can say (and you know they will!).
In lieu of flowers, in this life or the next or any other life to follow, friends and family of the late Opinion ask that you wear proudly the chains of spiritual bondage, that you nod your head with great sobriety whenever a national leader invokes Bronze Age dogma, and that you do the hokey pokey and you shake it all about. That, in this life and the next, is what it's all about.
The Opinuary Column appears (in multiple incarnations) Friday afternoons at Jesus' General.