Sarah Palin & Carrie Prejean: The Future of the Republican Party?

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How many Republicans do you suppose are looking forward to the possibility of Sarah Palin getting in bed with Carrie Prejean for the 2012 presidential race? None of the likely male Republican candidates can possibly measure up to pairing of Palin and Prejean — they don't have what it takes to satisfy the challenge posed by even one woman, much less two at the same time! Sarah Palin has yet to publicly come out and proclaim her preference for Carrie Prejean, but that won't stop conservative pundits from speculating wildly about the most important political question of our time: who will be on top, Palin or Prejean?

I'm sure most conservatives will expect that Sarah Palin will insist on being on top, and she certainly has the cojones for it. Anyone who can spin such reckless fiction about the 2008 campaign — despite knowing how many people will quickly step up to provide the truth — won't hesitate to take the reins in a new partnership. Carrie Prejean, however, is well known for being able to take care of herself and she doesn't need Palin to reach a summit, political or otherwise.



Lipstick Candidates

Republican men are surely thinking that it's about time that we had women on the top and on the bottom of a presidential pairing. Republicans are lucky that Palin and Prejean were both thrust upon the national stage, becoming unexpected heroines of the conservative movement. They may not have a lot of experience, but only the liberal elites think that education or experience translates into good job performance. Palin and Prejean have demonstrated that they possess the one tool that today's conservatives trust to get the job done: a massive, rock-hard dedication to America.

They also have that one attribute which conservatives today expect from women: the willingness to simply repeat back what they've been told to believe rather than offer new, independent ideas. As John Stewart noted about Sarah Palin, when you peel back the onion layers there's no onion there — all you find is a list of Republican talking points on infinite repeat. This makes them little more than an empty vessel into which male Republicans can pour their fantasies, political or otherwise.

Conservatives have been sounding the alarm about how their nation has been stolen, but now they can look forward to an America where even Republicans who wear lipstick are more butch than the soft, limp-wristed liberals. Conservatives know that Sarah Palin and Carrie Prejean are a couple who will plunge into an problem no matter how sticky, who will reach around to grab hold of whatever resources are needed to get the job done, and who will finish what they start rather than run away, leaving a job only half completed.



Elligible, Schmelligible

Liberal elites will point out that Carrie Prejean isn't eligible for the presidency and thus can't even be picked as a vice-presidential candidate, but conservatives won't be impressed by big fancy words like how her "age" is too "low" for the presidency. They will perceive such "fact" checking as symptom of misogyny because liberals don't want to see a (beauty) Queen in the White House. Liberals couldn't stand King George W. and we can expect even worse derangement in the face of a Queen. Liberals are the real misogynists for expecting something more than just good looks from female political candidates.

Carrie Prejean may be a little young, but Democrats shouldn't dismiss her popularity. If a secret Muslim from Kenya can steal the presidency with the help of ACORN, surely a Queen with great bone structure can get elected with the support of tea-bagging Guy Fawkers under the leadership of one Dick Armey. Once they peg Palin and Prejean as their preferred candidates, they'll heed the call to strap on in defense of God, America, and the Second Amendment.

And you know that once Carrie Prejean is in office, Democrat law "makers" won't be able to get her out again. They don't have the political will to investigate any of the crimes of a president who has already left office, so how will they work up the courage to investigate a sitting president or vice-president? Carrie Prejean will be seen as a safe choice because liberals will have so much trouble criticizing her without looking like bullies. Even though her popularity in conservative circles is dependent upon her ability to simply fill a fantasy role, liberals who raise concern over any lack of substance can be tarred as misogynists.



Sloppy Seconds

Of course, Sarah Palin has to prepare for even a worst-case scenario in case Carre Prejean can't join her, which will mean going to her second choice: Glenn Beck. There won't be any question in this pairing as to who will be on top, but I don't think that weepy Glenn Beck will gag much when he has to swallow his pride. He may even come to realize how many advantages there are serving under a woman like Sarah Palin. He should, for example, be able to get to the bottom of all the hidden propaganda which Democrat politicians keep slipping in capital's architecture when the lights go out.

If you're worried about someone like Glenn Beck being a heartbeat away from the presidency, though, you can rest easy. Sarah Palin will keep Beck so tied up in knots that he won't be able to take the reins himself, and so the presidency will pass to the person who will be that point be the Speaker of the House: Carrie Prejean! So everything will turn out alright in the end and America will live happily ever after.



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