Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

If you like the patriotic work we're doing, please consider donating a few dollars. We could use it. (if asked for my email, use "")

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Tales From Mrs. Palin's America

Jack Sabada was a man on a mission. Armed with a belly full of liquor, a gospel tract, a .22 magnum revolver, and a libido the size of a Prejean excuse, Sabada had everything he needed to establish contact with a real-life, breathing woman.

But one man would stand in his way. Darren Hall--a man whose talents include the ability to down shots in a bar while passed out in his car-- was also on the prowl, looking for a flock of tavern swans to impress.

Sabada spotted his potential love in the bar's parking lot and approached her, arm stretched out before him, gently coaxing her with a Jack Chick tract titled "Plan of Salvation."

She was unimpressed.

Another woman intervened by placing her face close to Sabada's and loudly declaring that perhaps he might be better served if he pursued a more solitary form of intimacy.

Like Joshua's horns, the shrill screech of rejection brought down the walls of the cognitive limbo into which Mr Hall had drunk himself. Staggering toward the women, the vomit flecked knight commanded Sabata to remove himself from the damsels and flee the parking lot.

But Sabata is a patriot, a self-described "sovereign citizen," who is not subject to the orders of men and governments; he answers only to his Lord, Jesus Christ.

So Sabata responded to Hall's command as a sovereign citizen should: by pulling his pistol and shooting Hall in the gut--presumably turning him into a grotesquely spurting bourbon fountain for a few short moments.

Finally, Hall had found a way to impress the ladies.

Fall Fundraiser: Please give if you can.


  1. General, Sir:

    Maybe he was looking for a "deathbed conversion"?

  2. Thats not fair! I've been left hanging. Did Sabata pull?
    I'm having, you know, a bit of a woman drought and I'm wondering if I should change my technique.
    So... Did Sabata pull?? Err... the girls i mean, not himself.

  3. At least they set him free so he could continue evangelizing.

  4. I really wish there were more women in the world who, rather than wanting charm, looks and wealth, simply went for any man large or vicious enough to hospitalize their current boyfriend.

    I'd be a lot less lonely that way.

  5. "perhaps he might be better served if he pursued a more solitary form of intimacy"

    I am so stealing that

  6. A 22-Magnum? A 22 Magnum!!!

    Either he's a mechanic for the Mafia, or the biggest Enis is Hazard County. No real man (except mechanics, of course) carries a 22 magnum. That's a little boy's pop gun.

    Where I come from, real men don't pack anything with a number less than 40 on it.

  7. Jeff, I have one of those little-boy 22's, and I found that hollow point bullets give it excellent stopping power.
    It's not the size, it's what you do with it. Or so they tell me.

  8. Anna, that's because you're a woman (and a damned good-looking one, too), so I understand your misapprehension. I had a 22-mag, too - when I was twelve. I used it to hunt squirrels.

    But as the Apostle Paul says in First Corinthians 13:11, "When I was a child, I thought as I child, I hunted small game as a child with a child's weapon, but when I became a man and could write my name in two ciphers, I put aside childish firearms and got myself a veritable hand cannon with which to praise the Lord. For numbers larger than 40 are holy to the Lord, and he commands you to carry a manly caliber in honor of the cross."

  9. Gun culture is so fascinatingly bizarre. "Whoa there missy, that there aint no man cannon". The air is thick with phallic posturing.

  10. Them that's got it, shoots it.

  11. The air is not just thick with manliness, it's long, and hard as steel with it!

  12. Anonymous9:07 PM

    i landed on one weird blog. some of you need the real Lord Jesus Christ in your lives and professional help! Oh yea, i'll never click this blog again. goodbye

  13. I didn't notice this until I read the link to the original news story:

    Sebade said he went to his Volkswagen van and tucked the pamphlet as well as a .22 Magnum revolver into his pocket.

    Sounds like he mighta been onnathem Mahometans! That's how they spread their eeeeevil religion those thousands of years ago, by threatening to cut the heads off people if they didn't fall down on their knees and stop eating while the sun was shining. Or something like that. And people stay so scairt that they're still Mooselmans all these centuries later.

    Everybody knows Christians would never countenance anything like that! So I'm calling Islamoteenypistolfascist on this Sebaceous fella.

  14. Dr Doc Dics
    Come on back son; we handle snakes up in here...
    I got one right now.

  15. Good god...yall should really check out Doc Dics blogs...

  16. Thanks For information and this picture is funny.

    Sexual Enhancement


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.