Tales From Mrs. Palin's America

Jack Sabada was a man on a mission. Armed with a belly full of liquor, a gospel tract, a .22 magnum revolver, and a libido the size of a Prejean excuse, Sabada had everything he needed to establish contact with a real-life, breathing woman.

But one man would stand in his way. Darren Hall--a man whose talents include the ability to down shots in a bar while passed out in his car-- was also on the prowl, looking for a flock of tavern swans to impress.

Sabada spotted his potential love in the bar's parking lot and approached her, arm stretched out before him, gently coaxing her with a Jack Chick tract titled "Plan of Salvation."

She was unimpressed.

Another woman intervened by placing her face close to Sabada's and loudly declaring that perhaps he might be better served if he pursued a more solitary form of intimacy.

Like Joshua's horns, the shrill screech of rejection brought down the walls of the cognitive limbo into which Mr Hall had drunk himself. Staggering toward the women, the vomit flecked knight commanded Sabata to remove himself from the damsels and flee the parking lot.

But Sabata is a patriot, a self-described "sovereign citizen," who is not subject to the orders of men and governments; he answers only to his Lord, Jesus Christ.

So Sabata responded to Hall's command as a sovereign citizen should: by pulling his pistol and shooting Hall in the gut--presumably turning him into a grotesquely spurting bourbon fountain for a few short moments.

Finally, Hall had found a way to impress the ladies.

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