Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender
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Sunday, December 27, 2009
Posted by mjs
11 And God said, Who told you that you were uniformly cracked egg shells? Have you eaten of the chorizo that I commanded you not to eat?
12 And he said, The woman You gave to me as a mate (which was a nice gift, don't get me wrong, especially knowing that you didn't really have to get me anything) she gave chorizo to me and I ate.
13 And God said, What have you done? And the woman said, "Sheesh, what haven't I done? Maybe the next time you get a gift for Chicken Egg Leg over there you could stay the hell out of the red light district, know what I mean? You want some submissive little virgin, get yourself a teenage Mormon still living in the compound, okay?"
14 So the Lord said to his pet monkey, Because you have done this you will be cursed more than any creature, and you will crawl on your belly and eat dust the rest of your life. And the monkey said "I had nothing to do with any of this. There was supposed to be a talking reptile here, but he opted out of his contract and is working with a snake charmer in India. He's very happy, I am told. Thrilled, actually." And the Lord said "Why am I always the last one to know?"
16 To the Ovum God said, Your anguish in childbirth will increase, you will bear sons in sorrow, your longing will be to your mate, and he will be your boss. To which she replied "Fuck you, you miserable excuse for a creator. You are petty and malevolent. What a big man you are--ready to mete out horrible punishment at the drop of a hat. You should be ashamed! Schmuck!"
17 To the Egg Leg Man God said, "She's got quite a mouth somewhere on her." And the man replied "You have a gift for stating the obvious." And then God smashed them to little bits, and thus began work on His greatest Creation: The Universe.2 And lo, it looked awesome in Blu Ray!
at 1:17 PM