Professor of Law and Dean
Boalt Hall School of Law
University of California, Berkeley
Dear Dr. Edley,
I like the idea of holding former Bush inquisitor John Yoo's classes at a secret, undisclosed location. It's the kind of thing that weeds out the less dedicated law students from those who'll do whatever it takes to achieve their goals--people like Prof. Yoo. Those who wish to emulate him will quickly snatch the facilities manager, deny him or her habeas corpus, and proceed straight to the waterboarding, beatings, hosting the Tonight Show, and all the other intensive interrogation techniques for which Mr Yoo showed so much enthusiasm.But I wonder if allowing them to do it without any kind of supervision is the best way to prepare them for the next Republican administration. Shouldn't they be required to do some lab time, so they learn how to properly conduct such interrogations--they'll need to know things like the optimum amount of volts and amps one should apply to a goatherd's testicles. And shouldn't there be some kind of lab the students could use to waterboard the facilities manager in a comfortable learning environment?
I'd like to head up an effort to raise funds for such a facility. We could call it the Dick Cheney Center for Positive Sadism and use that honor to lure him to Boalt Halll for a seminar on the "disposable sections of the constitution," or better yet, a demonstration on the proper way to eat the hearts of your enemies.
I'd like to start working on this immediately. Please respond at your earliest opportunity.
Heterosexually yours,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
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