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Monday, March 15, 2010

Public Television's New Direction

Wick Rowland Jr. PhD
President, KBDI Public Television

Dear Dr. Rowland,

I think your station is on the verge of accomplishing great things. Your decision to broadcast the documentary, “Camp FEMA: American Lockdown,” has given you the freedom to finally tell the truth about such hidden scandals as Bill and Hillary Klinton's murder spree in Mena, Arkansas, the coming lamb-boy scourge, Obama's intergalactic origins, and Proctor and Gamble's pact with Satan.

And perhaps it also frees you up to tell my story. Socialists implanted a chip inside me. It happened when the tax gestapo arrested me back in '95. I'll never forget that night in jail. Government thugs held me face down and shoved the chip deep inside my cave of shame. They must have been inexperienced, because it took them many hours and dozens of attempts to get it right.

It's a story that needs to be told. I'd be happy to help you write it or even reenact it if you'd promise to play some Barry White music.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

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  1. But wait -- I thought Michelle Malkkkin told us that internment camps were a good thing! Is this Wick Rowland -- that's gotta be his porn name. What's his REAL name? -- suggesting Malkkkin is WRONG? Is he some kind of antiMalkkkinofascist?

  2. General, Sir:

    I know what you mean about them frigging microcheetos things. I was kept up most of the night by mine, it was broadcasting messages right in my ear. What's even worse is that I can't find my eyepod.

    Hey, the real reason they ran that documadeuperry was 'cuz they needed the Benjamins:

    "Moreover, airing the show helped bring in donations. “It was also a fundraising success,” she said, “and fundraising is really tough right now. You’ve got to find something that’s resonating with a large enough niche that it’s really going to create some momentum to help us make our financial goals.”"

    So, like that's cool. I mean Dr. Ron Paul did kinda the same thing when he let those nazi guys pony up cash for his campaign. And everybody knows he's not a racist piece of shit--well, I mean, I think they do, know he's not a racist piece of shit, I mean. His son Rand isn't a racist piece of shit either, he just hires people that are racist pieces of shit to run his campaign. Sorry, Sir, I have to go wash my hands now. I think I mighta got some "paul" on them.

  3. I think these people will be safe from the Thought Police. They have an alibi: they haven't had a detectable thought in years.

    Glad I could help.


  4. Has it occurred to you that all of your religious conservatism may be the result of a malfunctioning ass chip?

  5. I've eaten too much cheese this week and cannot possibly go quietly.

  6. As every good Liberal knows, FEMA Interment Camps only existed while Bush was President.


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.