Celebrating Freedom With Drunken Gunplay

Philip Van Cleave
Virginia Citizens Defense League

Dear Mr Van Cleave,

I feel naked without my guns. I take them everywhere...to work,to church, to the market, to dinner and a picture show, dancing, hot tubbing, motels, and to various animal husbandry events. But until I learned about your proposal, I never dreamed that I'd be able to pack heat when I go out to get all liquored up. Thank you.

It's about time someone fought for our right to be armed in bars, taverns, saloons, and cabarets--especially the cabarets; guys are always putting their little soldiers in my mouth in those places. Now, they'll think twice about it.

Lord knows our founding fathers exercised their right to bear arms while loaded. At least, I'm pretty sure Aaron Burr did. He was always packing. It stopped people from arguing with him about who bought the last pint, who had the fastest horse, his chances of bedding Betsy Ross, or the need for a central bank and a common currency. Heck, I bet he was liquored up to the gills when he shot that rotten, big-government-loving, federalist bastard, Alexander Hamilton.

I doubt Obama approves of drunken gunplay--God damned elitist foreign Muslim anti-Christ commie.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

p.s. Your name sounds kind of foreign, like a Mexican's name. Do you have documents proving your citizenship?