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Monday, May 03, 2010

PayPal weighs in on Racial Intolerence

I knew I was taking a chance when I exposed Barack Szlrdsen Obama for what he really is, a space lizard from the Slzrd star system. Someone took notice, and now, I'm paying the Szlardian polyharmonic blow tube performer.

That someone, I suspect it was Rahm Emanual--who, by the way, is the Lizard King whose return was foretold by that Doors hippy--reported me to PayPal for denigrating the Szlrd species*. PayPal responded by sending the following:
From: PayPal
Subject: Notification of Limited Account Access

We appreciate the fact that you chose PayPal to send and receive payments
for your transactions.

However, after a recent review of your account, it has been determined that
you are currently in violation of PayPal's Acceptable Use Policy. Under
the Acceptable Use Policy, PayPal may not be used to send or receive
payments for items that promote hate, violence, racial intolerance or the
financial exploitation of a crime.
Of course, I appealed. After all, Slzrdian space lizards are not a race. They are not human. They're god damned slimy-assed reptiles (ok, so they don't have "asses" as we know them. That's what makes us better than the scaley bastards. We proudly poop out of a hole. They excrete from God knows where, but rest assured, it's some kind of slimy non-anal space alien oriface.)

Anyway, they denied my appeal and told me to remove PayPal links from my homepage. Wanting to keep my account open, I removed the links and filed a second appeal.

PayPal responded, informing me that I had won my appeal, thanking me for removing the links, and warning me that my account will be discontinued if I link to them on this blog, again. No, I don't know what that means either. I won the appeal, but my blog is still too Slzrd intolerant to be a part of the PayPal family, I guess.

That's where it stands now.

I could have avoided all this by writing those kumbaya-love-everyone posts like PayPal users Atlas Shrugs and The Jawa Report post. But damn it, I'm a Tea Party chaplain. I have to tell it like I imagine it is.

So, the PayPal links are gone. You can no longer show your support for this blog by clicking a donation link, but if you like the way my Level 80 Tauren shaman, Patriotboy, plays World of Warcraft (Gnomeregan server) or even if you know nothing about Wow, but like to think of me as being a big ol' battle cow for Christ, you can donate here.

And Rahm Emanual can plant his alien lizard scale lips on my amply human-fleshed butt.

*Or maybe it was another post. I don't know. They refused to be specific.

It ain't easy being a Tea Party chaplain.


  1. Since they refused to be specific, how do you know they didn't ding you for financial exploitation of a crime? After all, you have been known, on occasion, to laud those good ol' All-American values of animal husbandry, which are, believe it or not, a crime in some states.

    Yeah, those sick Demislamunisto bastards in the legislature deserve death for the insult, but they are powerful and we are armed with but spatulas.

  2. I decided not to do any business with PayPal in 2006 after it was revealed that they allowed the Department of Heimat Seicherheit to access their records. As a patriotikkk kkkonservative, I had no problem with them allowing the government to spy on everyone's financial transactions without a warrant, of course. What's a little warrantless spying when it comes to defending Freedom and The Constitution, after all? I was just upset that PayPal got caught.

    Also, isn;t "PayPal" slang for some kind of preverted homosuckshewell act? Because the more you say that name, the nastier it sounds.

    Anyway, I never send money through teh Internets tubez because I can't make the bills fit in the little slots of my computer. Tried it once and there was a burning smell, then the computer started making funny noises. Maybe I'll send some money in the post via Dan and Tammy. Except these Canadians still use beaver pelts stamped with pictures of the Queen. I wonder if U.S. Customs would stop that at the border?

  3. Delusion is a choice. It should not be protected.

  4. When PayPal's Predator Drones of Disillusion annihilate what's left of your mason jars, who will grieve for the loss? I think of all those spilled spermatazoan Americans and I start to throw up (just a little).

    Joseph McCarthy was right: I will have another shot of whiskey.


  5. Anonymous11:58 AM

    Obviously the Gray Aliens who run PayPal are blind to your incredible truthiness. (Or maybe they're just supporting their Szlrd allies.) Either way, they're pretty clueless for people who mutilate cattle (doubtless to prevent their own version of the Tubesock Holocaust when they're done enjoying the livestock like good alien-Americans.


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.