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Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Who's responsible for the oil spill?

Who sunk the BP offshore oil rig? The patriotsphere has the answer. Actually, it has many answers. Here's the answer American patriot Texas Fred has for us:

On the night of April 20th the North Korean Mini Submarine manned by these “suicidal” 17th Sniper Corps soldiers attacked the Deepwater Horizon with what are believed to be 2 incendiary torpedoes causing a massive explosion and resulting in 11 workers on this giant oil rig being killed outright. Barely 48 hours later, on April 22nd , this North Korean Mini Submarine committed its final atrocity by exploding itself directly beneath the Deepwater Horizon causing this $1 Billion oil rig to sink beneath the seas and marking 2010’s celebration of Earth Day with one of the largest environmental catastrophes our World has ever seen.

Anthony G. Martin of the Conservative Examiner is impressed by the "Kremlin" and North Carolina TV station commenter sources cited in Fred's story, but wonders if Russian capitalistocommies and North Carolinians can truly be trusted. His gut feeling is that an even greater enemy is responsible:

Environmentalist extremists have been known in the past to engage in acts of violence to get their message across and to prevent what they see as the 'raping' of the environment by the wicked, demented oil companies, nuclear energy companies, and others who do the demonic work of providing essential energy for the country--the energy that runs the computers from which Leftwing shills sit in their underwear in their momma's basements, spouting extremist propaganda.

The Right Perspective radio show's blog puts both North Korea and underpantsed environmentalist on its list of culprits, and its commenters add a few more:

JoeJersey says
I have a problem believing NK did it. Mainly because I don;t think they could have navigated over to tte Gulf to do it. I think it is much more likely that Venezuela or Russia did it.

Willis D says
Our enemies (Russia, China, Iran, Venezuela, and North Korea) smell weakness in Obama and are testing him right now. I have my suspicions that this rig explosion was the handywork of one of those nations.

Jonathan says
It’s time. Time to drop a fu***** nuke on the whole middle east. I’m sick of this.

Steve225 says
It’s much more likely that Obama was behind it in some way. Too much is coming out about the timing, the administration response, and the circumstances of the incident, for me to conclude otherwise. There is some speculation that this is to prevent the oil drilling Obama promised a couple months ago, but more likely it is to contribute to a plan to nationalize the oil industry.

Me? I think they're all correct. According to sources inside Burma's "Poppy Palace," Obama is Kim Il-sung's love child. Look at him, he's obviously Korean.

No doubt Obama convinced his half brother, Kim Jong-il, to attack the oil platform in order to strike a blow against "the Man" and for a new world environmental order. Kim, being a communist, and therefore also an environmentalist, saw it as an opportunity to fulfill his dream of subverting the Heartland by introducing a species of goat, the long-tailed goral (Naemorhedus caudatus), that is threatened in Korea to North America. His thinking is that the goral will win the hearts of Heartlanders by replacing American goats in our most cherished courting rituals. Once that happens, the teaparty movement will be his to command.


  1. Jonathan says
    It’s time. Time to drop a fu***** nuke on the whole middle east. I’m sick of this.

    In the end, the Middle East will be nuked because Jonathan is sick of this. Amen.


  2. Now I am just very confused. I thought Obama was Kenyan. How can he be Korean too? Can he be both? If so, how?
    I'm a birther, a tenther and a midnight toker
    Seattle Dan

  3. Of course it's IslamObama's fault! He said he was in favour of allowing MORE offshore oil drilling, so naturally that means he wants LESS of it, because everything he says is a lie.

    He probably hired environmental wackos to do the dirty work -- the never-wrong leader of the Republican Party says so!

    After all, those people who CLAIM to want to protect the environment would destroy every speck of life in the Gulf of Mexico just to further their aims. They're as bad as people who protest racism, when they're the real racists for attacking white people who like to use the "Nsluroftheoppressor word."

    Isn't it sick how everything the liberals say is exactly the opposite of what they do? Unlike conservatives, who always tell the truth and stand for life, freedom and goodness?

  4. Let me add that any damage to the beaches in the Redneck Riviera, or any workers who get fired from their jobs at Red Lobster because there's no more shrimp -- that's Obama's fault too. It just goes to show you that the eeeeevil federal government can't do anything right when it comes to cleaning things up.

    If the Feds would only allow the efficient people at Halliburton and BP to take care of the problem on that oil rig -- which was covered by U.S. government REGULATIONS and supposedly watched by U.S. government INSPECTORS -- it would all be OK. Those regulations and inspectors couldn't do a damn thing to prevent BP and Halliburton from making inadvertent mistakes, so the deaths of those 11 rig workers are the government's fault.

    I was about to say I can't wait for BP and Halliburton to sue the federal government for murder over that. Except that would necessitate using trial lawyers and activist judges. It would be better if the feds would just give BP and Halliburton a few billion dollars by way of apology.

    The government should do away with all regulations because they do nothing. If there were no rules, everything would be perfect, because no one would be able to break the rules. Why can't those stupid liberal rule-heads see this?

  5. And while I'm at it, let me say one other thing on this topic, because it's got me really bugged and I'm in the middle of a midnight shift, all hopped up on a 2-litre bottle of diet cola.

    I'm SO sick of people in God-fearing conservofederate states like Louisiana, Alabama and Mississippi all of a sudden crying because a few million gallons of oil are washing up on their beaches. What are these sissybabies -- "environmentalists" or something?!? Every kkkonservative knows that environmentalillness is LIBERAL! And that's just wrong!

    Nex time I hear a Southerner whining about the total destruction of the Gulf of Mexico (which I'll probably never hear because there's not many Southerners here in the Great Wet North) I'm gonna say "Do you drive a CAR, boy? Is there plastic wrap around the package of weenies in your fridge? Do you live in a cave in the woods where you forage for nuts and berries wearing clothes made of tree bark and animal skins? Because if the answers are Yes, Yes and No, then you owe your LIFE to OIL!"

    And if you owe your life to oil, you should just shut your clabbertrap before you say anything critical of anything involving God's most precious gift from the days of the dinosaurs. You should drive your SUV to the nearest BP station and buy a couple quarts of 10W40 and pour it all over your lawn and then roll in it, just to show how thankful you are. You should take your summer vacation at the beach in Pensacola this August and inhale deeply as the 102-degree temperatures cook up the smell from those irridescent foamy bubbles that never pop on the tideline. And if the fumes set off your asthma or COPD and cause you to die, well you're dying with the smell of progress in your nostrils.

    I apologize for ranting, and thank Teh Gen'l for providing me this forum. I've gone on a couple of other sites that CLAIM to be kkkonservative and voiced these sentiments, but people react as if I'm crazy. I thank God and all that is oily that my viewpoint has a home here.

  6. We wouldn't have you anywhere else, Bukko.

    There isn't a better set of eyes watching the subversive ways of the enemies of conservative America.

    ... it's true that Mr. Singh's colostomy bag may be overflowing down the hall, but he's suffering for a greater cause, and he can take confort in that!

  7. Korean? I thought he was Amish.

  8. ... it's true that Mr. Singh's colostomy bag may be overflowing down the hall, but he's suffering for a greater cause, and he can take confort in that!

    When they get too full, especially if they're gassy, the "pouch" (that's the politically correct word) just pops right off the flange that holds it on the skin. Woowee! If one blows with enough force, it's like someone tossed a shitgrenade into the room.

    Ah, the stories that nurses can tell, the smells that we've smelled... You never want to invite a nurse to sit at a table where you're eating something.

  9. Really, I thought Condi Rice did it to deflect attention from the fact that there's an Exxon oil tanker named after her.

  10. If you really want to snap, try listening to an npr story where Melissa "somebody" interviews another expert who uses the Baseball metaphor to describe the disaster and assures the listeners that we really can't say this is bad yet because it's only the first inning and it even might go into overtime. Melissa embraces the baseball metaphor uses it in the rest of the interview at which point I got sick and turned it off and wished I had another Ipod to listen to.

  11. Sometimes, late at night, I get a little bit sad. America has so many, many enemies both within and without. I mean the whole of the middle east. bin Laden and his mates since he helped us get rid of the ruskies in afghanistan. We hate Iraq because it isn't free (it is now). South Korea has a funny puppet in power, so that has to go. Then there are the Pakistanis, Mexicans, non-Southern Baptists, Democrats, liberals, non-Fox viewers... I mean, the list just keeps going on. Its hard to keep track of who we have to hate, you know? Its hard to keep up making up stories about how they are impinging our freedoms. I know, I know, its unpatriotic to question all this. Just.. you know, sometimes late at night...

  12. BC, whenever you get sad, just hate some group a little bit harder. The angry energy you get from detesting will make you feel better. That's the kkkonservative way!

  13. We must not get into the blame game and put our heads together to find out the solution of this problem. My idea is they should build a floating plywood fence at the well site big enough to contain the spill. It would be only about a thousand feet square, four feet high. That would contain up to 28 million gallons.
    Clean Colon Pro


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.