I've never liked Pee Wee Herman. I don't think he's fully committed to building an orderly society.
Do you remember his Saturday morning television show, Pee Wee's Playhouse? It was anything but orderly. He'd often encourage children to bang pots and pans together during that godforsaken "hair of the dog" hour when parents are combating headaches with a cigarette and cold can of Pabst. It was an evil, sadistic, anarchistic act he was encouraging. It was an act of subversion. He was turning our children into agents of disorder.
But now, he's apparently changed. He's promoting abstinence by selling Pee Wee Herman show purity rings. No doubt these talismans against temptation will prove effective.
Think about it. Imagine you're at the picture show with a young lady. You bring your arm up to make the ol' yawn move on her, but you see the ring before you complete it. You ask yourself, "What would Pee Wee do," and in response you whip out your own little pee wee and go to town, furiously yanking it as you tearfully cry out the names of your favorite professional wrestlers.
Sure, you might make a mess of the hair belonging to the person in front of you, and perhaps your popcorn will acquire an additional topping, but by gosh, you and your date will have remained pure. That's what's important. That's what's orderly.
A helmet tip to Tom Tomorrow.
Apology to Darrel Issa
I've always been a fan of Congress's greatest alleged car stealing patriot, Rep. Darrell Issa. That's why when ever he asks a question, I try to answer it. That's all I was was doing when I twitterated this:
A few hours later, he replied to me via a direct message:
I'll admit it. I was wrong. Darrell Issa was never convicted. He was only arrested. I apologize for getting it wrong.