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Wednesday, September 08, 2010

Amazon Review: "American Taliban" by Markos Moulitsas

Here's my Amazon review of the Great Orange Satan's "American Taliban." I'm hoping it will become the "Most Helpful Negative Review." Please cast a vote, here, if you'd like to help.
2.0 out of 5 stars The problem is syllables, September 7, 2010
By Gen. JC Christian, patriot (Tremonton, UT United States) - See all my reviews
I don't read books written by demonic pipe-smoking communists with well-trimmed beards. I don't read books by homosexualist intellectuals with button-down collars who fill my head with vile carnality every second of the day. And, I don't read books written by subversive eyeglass-chain-wearing foreigner-praising English teachers--why don't they dump Shakespeare; he never wrote a play about the real Americans of the Heartland. Indeed, I take pride in the fact that I never read anything written by libislamunistofascists. The problem is syllables. There are too many syllables in their books. It all seems a little too Muslimy to me. It also gives me headaches.

That said, I felt a need to read this book by Markos Moulitsas. I believed that by reading it, I could learn something about the Great Orange Satan, something that could help me finally put an end to his subversive speech.

Unfortunately, the book offered up no weapons to defeat Markos--no Fiery Sword of the Terrible Cleansing, no Crusader's Blade of Righteous Bloodlust, No Corinthians 4:6 night-vision sniper scope, nothing. Reading American Taliban just pissed me off.

How dare the author compare the American right to the Taliban. Sure, we both hate sex, reproductive choice, secularism, government regulation, homosexualism, and masturbation. We both want to establish godly governments that enforce scriptural law. And, we both justify our wars on the basis of religion. But the similarities end there.

We fight our wars in the name of Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. They fight their battles for Allah, a god who doesn't even know how to transubstantiate or turn water into a party.

We want to impose God's kingdom on Earth by passing biblically based sharia laws. The Koran serves as the basis of the Taliban's law, and unlike the Bible, it offers no object lessons in which she-bears eat children or whole cities are smitten with hemorrhoids.

The Taliban punish OB/GYNs using crude, uncivilized methods like stoning. We shoot doctors from a distance with a modern high-powered rifle.

While we may demand that our women dress modestly, and enforce it by calling them sluts or blaming them when they are victims of rape, our burka is a more fashionable and procreation-friendly burka.

Those are just a few examples of how we're dissimilar. I could go on about the differences between a crusade and a jihad; family values vs sharia; the unAllahed vs the unJesused, and morale sheep, adultery, and divorce vs temporary wives, etc, but I think I've made my point. The Great Orange Satan is wrong. We're not like the Taliban. We're God's favored people.


  1. But we are unique in our exceptionalism!


  2. Talk about too many syllables! Look at the man's nane! Marx-Os Com-u-nis-tos! I think we all know where this guy is coming from. And it ain't from our Lord and Savior.

  3. I have a relative who calls House Minority OompaLoompaLeader John Boner "The Great Orange Satan." The nerve of her!

  4. This one had me laughing for a long time! :)

  5. General, Sir, I don't mean to criticize here or anything, but masterbation isn't right, you know. I used to think it was ok, so long as you stay out of the gradeschool, but Christine ODonnell says not even thinking of it as ok. She didn't mention the gradeschool though. Is it OK at the gradeschool if I hide behind the big elm tree? Well, that's a different subject. And the Taliban and us conservatives agree that masterbation isn't right, but that is a difference not a similarity, because we conservatives hate masterbation for different reasons than the Taliban. You see, when you don't have paper, you wipe with your hand, and if you then masterbate, well, it leads to bladder infections. For conservatives, we aren't supposed to masterbate because it is a sin. See what I mean, it is a difference, not a similarity. Just thought I'd point this out.


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.