The Opinion "Sarah Palin would never bully or mock a man's penis in defiance of God's commandment that women be subservient to men (1 Corinth. 14:34 -- ...women... must be in submission... )" has died. The Opinion was two years of age at the time of its passing. Born in the musky, tundra veneris of the Great White North, the Opinion lived a quiet and respectable life among the wild orifices and quim bogs that dot the coastline of Real America, and enjoyed camping, fishing and hunting humpbacked whales with satellite-guided missiles.
Six months ago the Opinion was diagnosed with imasculata frittata, a rare and edible form of Word Cancer that spread to Sarah's hands before being smeared across her chops. First manifesting itself as schoolyard taunting it metastasized and spread throughout her entire vocabulary, a vocabulary believed to be as large as six hundred words (seven hundred if you include the numbers 600 thru 700) before coming to rest in her divinely appointed hooty-pie. The Opinion is survived by a conservative call to refrain from mono-pleaseistic sexual acts. Today's conservative must be potent and rigid, but for the lord's sake don't give in to the desire for self-managed orgasm! What's next? Electric cars? Sustainable farming? Besides, if you're like Sarah, you don't want to touch yourself down there--those ink stains are hard to get out!
In lieu of flowers...ah, fuck it. Give 'em flowers.
++++
With apologies to Cyndi:
ReplyDeleteWell, I see them all day on my Teevee,
Beck and Doocey and O-Reil-ly
Their eyes gaze North for that Palin whore,
But when she goes 'South', it ain't for their shows,
She writes on her hand to refresh her mind
But that hand's refreshment will make her blind
She bop--he bop--a--we bop
I bop--you bop--a--they bop
Be bop--be bop--a--lu--she bop,
She hopes He will understand
She bop--he bop--a--we bop
I bop--you bop--a--they bop
Be bop--be bop--a--lu--she bop,
Oo--oo--she--do--she bop--she bop
Hey hey, they dream of giving her some bone,
But she can't keep her hand off her own danger zone,
No, you can't touch her with your dirty paws
Unless you've a Hundred Thou and a bendy straw
She bop--he bop--a--we bop
I bop--you bop--a--they bop
Be bop--be bop--a--lu--she bop,
She hopes He will understand
She bop--he bop--a--we bop
I bop--you bop--a--they bop
Be bop--be bop--a--lu--she bop,
Oo--oo--she--do--she bop--she bop
Sister Sairy is scary when she talks dirty about us. But she is our North Star!
ReplyDeleteMr. mjs, Sir:
ReplyDeleteWhen I see the Impalinator I get this sort of wimpish feeling in my manquipment. It's not that, like most good KKKristianists I don't have long periods of manquipment listlessness (I mean how many frikkin' kids do I want, after all?); no, it's just that the majority of those feelings are kindasorta generalized, y'knowudimean? Sure, I get weepy sometimes after watchin' "Old Yeller" or "Birth of Nations"--that's a three-hoodie job if I ever watched one--but it's something else.
When Mistress Sarah looks at me (from the poster I keep on the bathroom door) I just feel worthless and my manquipment goes into reverse tryin' to climb up somewhere north of my liver. It's weird and scary.
In other news, did you know there are satirical websites that pretend to be outrageously Christian and they fake people out? It must be true, because I read about it in the New York Times. Imagine that!
ReplyDeleteBukko Canukko:
ReplyDeleteI looked at that ChristWire thing. Them boys are in deep doo-doo. It's not nice to fool Mother Nature, but it's insane to fuck with 900 foot, lazereyez Baby JESUS!