Field Marshal
Right Wing Extreme Militia
Dear Mr. Shannon,
Today, I received a number of photos from someone who identified himself as "Sir Terry the Limber, Royal Quartermaster." I assume you asked him to send them. If that's the case, thank you for finally coming to your senses. Now, we can get to work.As per my request, everyone in the photos is wearing their invisible Ephesians 6 Armor of God and nothing else. The skin indentations indicate that you are all wearing your armor correctly except for the Codpiece of Redemptive Anger--none of you have that right. Your man grenades hang freely when they should be tucked safely inside the codpiece. Heck, the overweight hairy guy appears to have three grenades, and they hang so low, they could create a tripping hazard during close arms combat. He needs to police up his satchel charges, immediately.
I'm also concerned by the photo I assume to be yours--it's the only one showing a man holding a scepter. I've been staring at your "little soldier" for a little over an hour now (and as I promised you last night, I did not touch myself, much). While I'm impressed by your little soldier's pistol-barrel-like rigidity, and monstrous length--I estimate it at nearly three inches--I'm more than a little concerned about its shooting end. You appear to have a Judeo-Muslim helmet rather a good, god-fearing, Baptist aardvark down there.
Are you sure you're not some kind of Kenyan?
Heterosexually yours,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
American Christian Militia
The Prince And I: Previous discussions with Prince Shannon
I write Prince Shannon
Recording: My first call to Prince Shannon.
Calling Prince Shannon again.
Another email: A Fist full of Photos
Recording: Calling Shannon Carson again
Elsewhere: Prince Shannon gives me a shout out on his radio show. Not much there. He started to discuss our militia, then seemed to get sidetracked. I think he might be secretly re-evaluating his position on Spartan-style wrestling. That'd explain why he seemed so preoccupied.
WTF? I listened to the entire radio show (OK, not all of it, because my daughter Skyped me from her college in Florida for about 6 minutes in the middle) and I didn't hear Teh Gen'l. Prince Rupert teased at the start that he was going to talk to our Peerless Leader. I was hoping to hear some manly grunting sounds of moral combat! And all got was a half-hour (minus those interesting six mins) of this guy who's EXACTLY the kind of patriotikkk 101st Chairborne scaratrooper the the Gen'l's Army knows and smugs. BUT NO GENERAL!!!! (Please don't tell me I'm coming off like an idiot because it happened when I was otherwise engaged.)
ReplyDeleteOne thing in Ponce Sherman's favour -- he talks faster than the Skoal Rebel.
That is exactly the pose I used for the picture that now hangs above the mantel in my living room. I'm a little concerned about those guns, though. They're kinda small. And what is that - a ukelele? You can't play Freebird on an instrument like that.
ReplyDeleteI think that's a picture from his garage sale. He attracted a unique crowd.
ReplyDelete++++
Could a picture be provided with the soldier's little soldier picking a tune on the ukelele?
ReplyDeleteThen there’s this.
ReplyDeleteI think I'd call him Sir Terry the Hairy.
ReplyDeleteWhat's so "limber" about laying on the floor with Patrick McHenry's head in your nekkid lap?
ReplyDeleteAnd what?...the guitar is supposed to impress?
Jesus. I guess we should be grateful this was not a scratch and sniff photo.
I think these photos are a product of The Poor Man Institute - I'm sure I've seen that guy on the internets before, though it could have been on Hannidate
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