Easy Riders

As I write this, our courageous congressional warriors who serve in the House Republican Caucus are on the verge of giving our nation the greatest gift of all: shutting down the Satanocommunist government. It hasn't been easy. The filthy compassiofacist Democrats have fought them all the way by offering compromises. "We'll meet you on the numbers," they promise, "if you'll strip away your riders." Thank God, our GOP generals are refusing to give up anything.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the budget process, a "rider" is a piece of legislation that is attached to a bill. It may have nothing to do with the subject of a bill, or, as is often the case with budget bills, the rider may earmark specific funding or cuts that would not appear in the more broadly written budget bill.

These two Republican Caucus riders have gotten a lot of attention:

• Sec. 4013 — Prohibits funds to the Planned Parenthood Federation of America
• Sec. 1591 — Prohibits funding for needle exchange programs

But there are many more that are just as vital to the conservative cause. These riders include:

• Sec. 4573: Prohibits funding projects that beam socialist microwaves into our brains.
• Sec. 2111: Provides a tax break to senators who use adult diapers for non-medical reasons.
• Sec. 7504: Prohibits funding for any project that would pollute our precious bodily fluids with fluoride.
• Sec. 1009: Provides a tax break to any congressman who "butches up" his closet.
• Sec. 3345: Requires welfare recipients to bid for their food stamps in a blind auction.
• Sec. 2798: Provides a tax break for Jesus' second coming expenses.
• Sec. 1479: Allows the "man of the house" to claim a tax deduction for the care and feeding of his uterus.

This, my colonels, is what we are fighting for.

Something else: Lose something? Call Waukesha County Clerk Kathy Nickolaus at 262-548-7010 and ask her to check her computer.