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Monday, April 04, 2011

Official CSA Dress Uniform

Ambassador Christopher Rose
Confederate States of America (Occupied)

Dear Ambassador Rose,

The sheer genius of your instructions for tailoring our dress uniforms lies in their simplicity:
It may prove cost effective to buy used cotton sheets from the local thrift shops and then dye them to appropriate color of gray. I would like to suggest using RIT Dye colors Dark Green and Cocoa Brown mixed as shown in the link below (color 361):
Any true confederate, from the lowliest private to the most illustrious general, could easily follow such instructions. We've been making outfits out of sheets for over a century. It was very perceptive of you to understand this and tailor your instructions to take advantage of it.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot


  1. I was gonna go to the CSA website, but they have a member firewall, and I will not add to their body count. I can tell them the war is over and they lost from here. I have studied history, and I am still amazed President Lincoln did not summarily hang every elected official and field grade office in the Confederate military.

  2. General, Sir:

    Is the KKKonfederate KKKoward's dress uni sorta like the sari, tartan or kimono? I mean those garments are all based on designs making the most efficient use of a single length of yard goods. Anyhoo.

    He can have alla my sheets, they're already gray (although someofem look sorta "tie-dyed" with interesting streaks and spots) so he can save some money for buying toner for his mom's copie--, er, I mean the CSA(O)'s mass communications deevice. I'll even arrange for him to get them before they get washed. He can make his headpiece out of the center of the sheet and experience sticking his head up someone else's ass for a change.


    Lincoln hanging allathem guys woulda been a cool trick, since he died only five days after the end of the War of Southern Treachery.

  3. Yo General,
    Ya left the 1 cup of water out of your recipe.
    Now, any confederate reading your post is gonna be scratching his head while trying to figure out how to rub those dyes into his sheet.

  4. Democommie,

    Lincoln was still alive when the war ended at Appomattox, and watching General Lee and his staff swing would have been an excellent start. There was no good reason for the Federal Staff Officers to not have Standing Orders for the end of the war.

    Yours in Christ,


  5. John:

    "Yours in Christ"?

    That JESUS is one bloodthirsty mofo!

  6. I'm an atheist. I just like the feel of the irony in typing "Yours in Christ."


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.