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Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Rep. Bachmann Punches Immoral Painting

Teabag-American maddona, Rep. Michele Bachmann, struck a blow for American values on Friday, when she attacked a painting in the National Gallery. Apparently, Rep. Bachmann was upset about the painting, "Two Tahitian Women," by the Frenchman, Gauguin, because it featured a pair of benippled brown women. Here's what she had to say about it:
The painting is very homosexual. I was trying to remove it. I think it should be burned ... I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you.
I thank God we have Congresswomen, like Rep. Bachmann, who have the courage to confront French, brown, benippled, homosexualist immorality wherever they find it.

Correction: Unfortunately, I misidentified the painting's attacker. It wasn't Rep. Bachmann; it just sounded like her. I apologize for my mistake.


  1. Just awful. But being the kind of guy I am, I'm willing to store all the paintings with benippled women of any shade in my den. I know I will take very good care of them. You can count on me!

  2. To be fair, General, it was a mistake any of us could, and probably would, have made. I mean, it's not like they sound any different.

  3. OMG! Its *not* Bachmann? Thats even worse! This poor woman is also picking up the messages from Bachmann's CIA in-head radio!
    Someone save her! Preferably not 2 topless Tahitian girls.
    Will we all be hearing Bachmann's CIA radio messages in our heads? Is that how the tea party wins?

  4. Well, I, for one, feel pretty shortchanged about the in-head radio. I mean come on here I am a war veteran and I didn't even get a cool in-head radio installed(am-fm please).
    Wait,.... what's that? (hand up to ear-actually not needed...)
    Sorry, have to run...something er....came up.

  5. Burns has been arrested several times on has convictions for carjacking, disorderly conduct, trespassing, and assault on a law enforcement officer. She served six months in jail after a 2006 conviction for assault and battery on a police officer.

    That part of Burns' bio seems pretty darn Bakkkhman to me too, so I can see why the mistake.

    P.S. Is that a real watermelon in the double-nipped woman's hands? The most temptacious of fruits...

  6. General, Sir:

    I'm so upset to hear that a run'o'themill lunatic did that instead of Minnesota's favorite SKKKrotalMurKKKin patriotess.

    Y'know, Sir, I been wondrin' if maybe Michele couldn't benefit by getting some name recognition by having Mr. Larry Flynt make a fine film about her like he did about St. Sarah The Impalinator. I'm thinkin' a workin' title like, "Missy Backdoor And The Rogerin' Rangers Of The Republic", for now.

  7. When’s somebody going to attack the most homosexualist artwork ever – that “David” statue by Michelangelo. I mean, the guy’s unit is, like, huge. It makes me uncomfortable even to think about it. Not to mention inadequate.

  8. From your mouth to God's ear Col. von Ebers.

  9. Colonel David von Ebers:

    Congratulations on your promotion, I'm still a half-a-buck private but working in the motor pool has other advantages.

    I think I'm seeing comments by oneayour homies over at SciBlogs. He signs as "Dr. X." and lives in Oak Park.

  10. Homosexualist breasts? Tell me it ain't so Genr'l. In the holy hauls of congress? I see why a MB wannabe would throw a look-a-like rant about homo art subliminally making real men dress like not-men and run for office. They got my vote historically speaking.


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.