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Friday, May 06, 2011

"I needed the Master to bate out the sin."

Although I thank God that gangster rap is evolving into ex-wanker rap, I think this god-fearing rapper needs to take another crack at his chorus. What the hell does he mean by, "I needed the Master to bate out the sin?" It almost sounds like he's yanking it to that bad-ass Jesus billboard in Myrtle Beach--the one that shows a very buff Redeemer ripping his cross apart.

No question it's the kind of image that excites "the warrior" within us all. I mean, my God, Our Lord and Savior is ripped. Sure, a guy may be tempted to bite the hell out of those pecs to demonstrate a fraternal bond with such a true warrior. But patting the ol' robertson? That's going a little too far don't you think?


  1. General, Sir:

    It's not quite as danceable as some other KKKristianistrockrapcrap but it's definitely, "jerkable", if you get my meanin'.

    It would be more betterer if his delivery was a little more dynamic. Maybe something like:

    I needed the MASTER to BATE OUT THE SIN!!

    Of course it would help, too, also, if he'd spell "Masstoorbate" correctifically.

  2. I'm glad for printed lyrics. Because the trouble with most of that rappety-hop music is that the young people who sing it talk too fast and mumble, like the whipper-snappers they are. And I thought my grandpa was bad when the spittle would fly out of his mouth because his dentures were loose. And he WAS bad, but at least I could understand what he was saying, especially because he yelled on account of being 3/4 deaf.

    Ennyhoo, if it wasn't for the printed lyrics that went along with that crunk-spanking video, I would have had to listen to it five or six times to decipher it. And I'm just not that into it. Plus, the musical accompaniment sounded like it had some of that "backwards masking" going on. It reminded me of bits from that satanic Beatleys song about "Dingleberry Fields Forever" or whatever it was. Between the weird noises and the images of girls with large posteriors, I might have been hypnotized into doing something I would have to atone for.

    As it is now, I'll just think about the six-pecs on that Myrtle Beef Jeebus when I mastobrate. Which I never do!

  3. Hey, Jesus, is that a cross in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Seriously, that’s a very disturbing image. And not on account of the bloody stigmata.

  4. Anonymous3:59 PM

    General, Sir:

    Was our Lord and Savior channeling Conan the Governator? Or was this His reaction upon hearing that the Romans were planning a tax increase to pay for social services?

  5. Dear General,

    "patting the ol' robertson" is the greatest euphemism in the history of uhhhhh, doing that.

    Thank you.

  6. buttwipe:

    Hmmm, I dunno; certainly one to the BETTER ones, but...

    Bashin' the Bakker
    Jerkin' the (Terry) Jones
    Fondlin' the Falwell
    Honkin' the Haggard
    Handlin' the Hagee
    Diddlin' the Dobson
    Slappin' the Swaggart

    well, they're just a gift that keeps on givin'.


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.