President
Louisiana Family Forum
Dear Mr. Mills,

But one has to wonder, is this the beginning of a new tradition, or, like the Tea Party, is it simply a momentary expression of prostitution populism?
It's a good bet that the former is the case, given that the Republican Party of Louisiana, with Vitter and Nungesser, has already made patronizing prostitutes a requirement for candidacy.
But what are you doing to ensure that tomorrow's family values warriors are expressing their heterosexuality in an appropriate, free-market-based manner? Are you doing anything to identify and mentor the next generation of good, Christian prostitution populists?
Perhaps you could add a few new questions to your candidate questionnaire to help you spot potential up and comers. I'm thinking of questions along these lines:
- Q: Have you ever rented a hot and saucy helpmeet?
- Q: Do you enjoy having a hired woman, with a name like Mistress X, ram a burning alter candle deep into your secret parts?
- Q: Does marital sex for reasons other than procreation constitute a dangerous assault on the free market principles that made this nation great?
- Q: Can you effectively argue that yes, it is indeed possible to acquire anal warts from a toilet seat?
Heterosexually yours,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot