St Bernard Was One Sly Dawg

As a member of the one true Mittonian church, I don't know know much about the Catholic Church other than it's the Whore of Babylon. I always thought the Babylon thing might be why Newt Gingrich converted to Catholicism. That is until I heard St. Bernard's story:

Saint Bernard fed from the breast of our Immaculate Mary. After a long prayer session he cried out, “Show thyself my mother!” and a lactating Maria, pressing her naked breast, squirted a mystical stream of milk directly into his mouth.

Now it makes sense. Newt is simply looking for that "Mary in ever woman" that Father Joe is always taking about.

Depictions of the Lactation of St. Bernard were as popular during the Renaissance as periodicals, like "Udders: The Magazine for The Red State Man," are today. Here are a few examples (these are not retouched):


Miraculous Lactation of St Bernard
Alonso Cano, 1650


La Virgen entre san Benito y San Bernardo
Maesto de Borbotó, 13th Century

Why is she holding the Baby Lindsey Graham in this one:

Lactation of St. Bernaard
Christus Petrus, 1480

More here and here.

A tip o' the ol' helmet to Mr Boloboffin.

And now for something not so completely different:


It touched the other candidates' hearts to see the pride with which Rick Santorum modeled his big boy pants.