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Thursday, December 22, 2011

Rick Perry: Still 110% Committed to the Heterosexual Lifestyle

A man who once stood upon the sacred soil of Texas as a legislator is saying horrible thinks about its governor. In his new book, Glen Maxey, details the claims of several men who accuse Rick Perry of being a homosexualist and having a very tiny .17 cal. man-derringer with a hair trigger.

I've seen pieces of these reports, and I think there's a perfectly heterosexual explanation for the events these men describe.  I mean, hey, how many of us haven't taken out a Craigslist ad looking for "someone willing to unlock the door, turn off the lights, and lie face-down on the bed, legs spread." Nothing homosexualist about that. Sounds like Saturday night at the compound to me.

And yeah, so a real estate agent answers the Governor's ad and lays out all spread eagle over the bed, the taught firm hills of his hind parts defiantly rising high above his luscious lumbarian valley. Gov. Perry enters the room and notices that something about this idyllic setting is very wrong; there is a gas, perhaps a poisonous gas, escaping from a cave--perhaps a terrorist hideout--located in the cleft the cleft between hind part hills.

So the Governor does what heroic men do. He grabs whatever weapon is at hand--in this case, his tiny baton of furious justice, and rams it deep into the heart of the terrorists' lair.



Lets loose with a victory moan.

And leaves.

Nothing homosexualist about that. Heck, it's heroic, like something a Spartan, a very well oiled, muscular, Spartan, would do.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.