Idaho State Liquor Division
Dear Mr. Wasserstein,
I think you were mistaken when you barred distribution of Five Wives Vodka because you believed the polygamy reference might offend Mormons. Christ, they're Mormons. They'll be offended simply because it's vodka. Hell, they won't be happy until all liquor, wine, beer, coffee, tea, and caffeinated soft drinks are banned.
You should be more concerned about alcoholic beverages that are deliberately given names that mock Idaho's good, conservative, godfearing, elected officials and bureaucrats. I'm talking about products like "Arrogant Bastard Ale, Mama’s Little Yella Pils, Old Leghumper Porter, and Nutliquor peanut butter flavored vodka. Those are the drinks you should be banning. If you don't stop them now, who knows how far they'll go.
Think about it. Picture what a Butch Otter Ale label would look like. Do you really want to explain all that leather and those nipple piercings to Gov. Otter? I don't think so. You need to nip this thing in the bud now.
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
p.s. Do you think Justice Antonin Scalia would want to shoot Idaho ducks with lobbyists if he saw you selling this Trappist-style ale: