John Henry Spooner spent most of his time pursuing his favorite pastimes: bitching about the guvmint, worrying about "the coloreds," and gently caressing the hard rigid barrels of his prized firearms. All that changed a couple of weeks ago when a burglar broke into his house and stole four of his guns. After that, he spent his days mourning the loss of his precioussssesss and plotting his revenge against those that took them.
Although no one had witnessed the burglary, Mr. Spooner knew who was responsible. It had to be the neighbors, an unheartlandlisly-hued family who had moved in recently. After all, they were "colored people."
He quickly spotted an opportunity to avenge his loss when he saw the neighbor kid, Darius Simmons, a sixth grader at Gaenslen Elementary School, taking the trash out to the curb. Spooner immediately confronted the 13 year-old, demanding that the child return his preciousssssesss.
That's when Simmons made his move, raising his hands above his head is some kind of faux surrender gambit. Spooner had no choice but to shoot the young boy in the chest.
Unfortunately, Simmons lives in Wisconsin. If he lived in Texas, he'd probably get a write up in the NRA's official organ, The American Rifleman. Instead, he'll likely spend the rest of his life in prison. But, them again, he sounds like prime pardon material for Gov. Walker.