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Tuesday, August 14, 2012

I Was Denied My Religious Freedom by Chick-fil-A

Dan Cathy
Chief Operatin' Officer

Dear Brother Cathy,

I stood with you, horking down three Deluxe Chicken Sandwiches, a whole passel of waffle fries, a gallon of co-cola, and four Icedreams on National Chick-fil-A Persecute A Homosexualist Day. I did so because I thought it was important to defend your religious freedom to attack sodomitanians.

Since then, I've learned about another man who is fighting to preserve his religious freedom. A few months back, Two Rivers Grocery Store & Market in Big Sandy, Texas, barred Brother DeWitt R. Thomas from returning to their business. He had done nothing wrong. He simply exercised his religious freedom to have his groceries bagged in a racially pure manner.

The problem was that the store's bagger was unHeartlandishly-hued. As a man of the Bible, Brother Thomas objected to the young man's attempt to handle his rutabagas, saying: "Wait a minute, don’t touch my groceries. I can’t have someone negroidal touch my food, it’s against my creed!"

When ask why he wouldn't allow a "negroidal" man to touch his rutabagas, Brother Thomas cited Leviticus 22:25 and Jeremiah 13:23 and declared, "“Religion….religion, ma’am. It is against my religion.”"

Brother Thomas's bold defense of his religious freedom inspired me. It prompted me to reaffirm my commitment to exercising my religious freedom in every commercial exchange I undertake.

That's why I asked the Chick-fil-A counter woman if she was menstruating. It's something I had to do. I mean, how could you expect me to allow a woman who is unclean (Leviticus 15:19-30) to fondle my Spicy Chicken Biscuit?

All I wanted was a sandwich served, as Jesus commands, by a non-menstruating or barren woman, yet you kicked me out and called the police. I expected better from you. I expected you to defend religious freedom.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

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