According to my sources, Elder Romney is willing to continue PBS funding, and perhaps even raise it, if PBS will accept a subcontractor role under Koch Industries and create or modify the following shows:
- Mr. Zimmerman's Neighborhood - Imagine your child's joy when George Zimmerman finally silences Meow Meow Kitty's scary hip hop rhymes.
- This Old Compound - Donald Trump bosses a crew of celebrities who construct defensive positions on farms surrounding the town of Lubbock, Texas.
- Upstairs - Masterpiece Theater's sequel to Upstairs, Downstairs.
- Sesame Street - Replace Big Bird with the Biff, the Bain Capital Parasitic Worm and swap out the human cast for authentic Americans like Honey Boo Boo's family, Larry the Cable Guy, and a creepy youth pastor.
- James Inhofe, The Science Blowoff - Sen. Inhoffe debunks such hoaxes as global warming, evolution, vaccination, rape-induced pregnancy, and pi.
- Rubin's Rainbow - Washington Post blogger Jennifer Rubin reads only the most conservatively correct childrens' books--we're talking classics like Bibi Bombs the poop Out of Paulie the Palestinian.
- The Joy of Painting Authoritarians - Bob Ross may have been baptized into the Mormon Church, years ago, but Michael Savage is ready to teach you how to paint happy little Hitler mustaches.
- Magic Bible School Bus - Join Zebulon the Zygote and his homeschool teacher-mom, Mrs Palin, as they learn all there is about the science behind witch pricking.
Helmet tip to LitBrit for the name of that last show