How PBS Can save its Funding

Elder Mitt's pledge to fire Big Bird continues to be an issue in the campaign nearly a week after after he uttered it. Kidsatanunistofascists cited it as a reason for Brother Romney ducking Nickelodeon's election show (not true--Mitt was ready to attend, having already carefully applied SpaghettiOs and chocolate ice cream stains around his mouth, but pulled out after the kids' network refused to allow him to bus in supporters from the Kenneth Lay Preparatory Academy,) and the Obama team's release of an ad defending Bird Bird on Tuesday.

According to my sources, Elder Romney is willing to continue PBS funding, and perhaps even raise it, if PBS will accept a subcontractor role under Koch Industries and create or modify the following shows:

• Mr. Zimmerman's Neighborhood - Imagine your child's joy when George Zimmerman finally silences Meow Meow Kitty's scary hip hop rhymes.
• This Old Compound - Donald Trump bosses a crew of celebrities who construct defensive positions on farms surrounding the town of Lubbock, Texas.
• Upstairs - Masterpiece Theater's sequel to Upstairs, Downstairs.
• Sesame Street - Replace Big Bird with the Biff, the Bain Capital Parasitic Worm and swap out the human cast for authentic Americans like Honey Boo Boo's family, Larry the Cable Guy, and a creepy youth pastor.
• James Inhofe, The Science Blowoff - Sen. Inhoffe debunks such hoaxes as global warming, evolution, vaccination, rape-induced pregnancy, and pi.
• Rubin's Rainbow - Washington Post blogger Jennifer Rubin reads only the most conservatively correct childrens' books--we're talking classics like Bibi Bombs the poop Out of Paulie the Palestinian.
• The Joy of Painting Authoritarians - Bob Ross may have been baptized into the Mormon Church, years ago, but Michael Savage is ready to teach you how to paint happy little Hitler mustaches.
• Magic Bible School Bus - Join Zebulon the Zygote and his homeschool teacher-mom, Mrs Palin, as they learn all there is about the science behind witch pricking.

Helmet tip to LitBrit for the name of that last show