Dear Sen. Santorum,
I appreciate your hard work fighting the scourge of homosexuality. You're a man's man and I'm proud to call you my senator.
I've been following the controversy about your recent comments in regard to making homosexuality illegal. I applaud your gutsy stance. Those who violate God's laws should be severely and unmercifully punished by our civil authorities.
Your comments about dogs, however, stirred up quite an argument between me and some of the boys. I say "man on dog" means some kind of sick sex act. My friend Mike says it's more than that. He says it includes things like when you pack peanut butter in your rear end and then let Butch, your australian shephard, lick at it with his tongue.
I don't see that there's anything wrong with that. It's really no different than having him lick my face and I mostly never allow him to get around to the "north side" if you know what I mean. What's more, since it's not actual sex, it doesn't matter that Butch is male. I mean it's not like I'm doing some kind of homosexual on dog kind of thing. I'm no pervert.
What do you think? Are you OK with this. Would you like to see pictures of me and Butch? He's a fine dog.
Heterosexually yours,
Gen. JC Christian, Patriot
