Jesus' General

The George W. Bush Presidential Library (Part I)

It's never too early to start honoring a great man. That's why I've designed a presidential library for Our Leader.

The George W. Bush Presidential Library will be composed of five sections: the Entrance/Election Room, the Rotunda of Blame, the Archives, and the Economic and Security Wings. The library will be at least five stories high, one floor for each of Our Leader's terms of office. More stories will be added if Our Leader's steady hand is still needed after the War on Terror enters its third decade.



I'll explain the design in two posts. The first will cover the Entrance/Election Room, the Rotunda of Blame, and the Economic Wing. The second, which will be posted on The American Street, will describe the Archives and the Security Wing.

Entrance/Election Room (To be called the Reappointment Room on upper floors)

The visitors are introduced to the interactive nature of the library before they enter the building when they are met outside the entrance by policemen who demand that each visitor of African descent show them identification. These lucky visitors are then told that the computer says their real name is "Willie Horton" and that they cannot enter the Election Room because they are felons.

The lighter colored visitors are allowed to enter immediately. They may then choose to participate in a number of activities memorializing Our Leader's triumphant electoral victory. My personal favorites are "Intimidate the Canvassing Board" and "Mob the Democratic Election Worker." Before leaving the room, the visitors are treated to a short show featuring and animatronic James Baker and his ventriloquist dummy, Justice Scalia.

Rotunda of Blame

We all know how tough Our Leader's first term has been. We also know that it wasn't his fault. He's told us so many times. Every problem we've faced can be blamed on someone else.



A colorfully sectioned circle and spinable arrow on the floor of the Rotunda of Blame demonstrates this relationship between our problems and Our Leader's enemies. Visitors may state a problem like joblessness and then spin the arrow to see who's to blame. Choices include Clinton, Kerry, France, non-Christians, Democrats, environmentalists, and Valerie Plame.

The circle, made of petroleum-based polymers manufactured in China using oil from a well near Yellowstone's Old Faithful geyser, also signifies Our Leaders love for our National Park System.

The Economic Wing



Tax Cut Room -- Visitors are lined up according to net worth, and the wealthiest one collects twenty dollars from each of the others.

Employment Room -- Each visitor is replaced by an Indian and told to get a job assembling hamburgers at their local McDonalds manufacturing plant.

Recession Room -- This room's central feature is an animatronic Ed Gillespie seated in a wheelchair doing a Stephen Hawking imitation. "Due to a warp in the time continuum," declares Gillespie as Hawking," the recession only appeared to start during the Bush presidency." "It actually started," he continues, "six months earlier."

Privatization Room -- Each visitor is issued a cellphone and given an hour to persuade as many friends and family members as possible to contribute the $2000/person maximum campaign contribution. The winner receives an exclusive franchise to provide meals to a squad of Marines.

Environment Room -- This room pays tribute to Our Leaders success with balancing corporate needs with environmental concerns. Visitors are issued "Clear Skies Initiative Oxygen Masks" as they step onto the "Healthy Forests Initiative Redwood Deck" to see a presentation on "sound science."

Placed above a pool water, the deck, made from genuine Sequoia National Forest old growth timber, serves as a reminder of Our Leader's plan to combat global warming by building dikes and elevating beachfront property.

Policy Room -- Visitors are assigned roles as various CEOs (e.g. Enron's Ken Lay). They then meet with an actor playing the part of Dick Cheney and draft policies benefiting their companies.

Go to Part II