Jesus' General

Shining Beacon of Our Future

Amen and pass the baseball bats! The God-Loving Christian souls of Dayton, Tenn. have grabbed the torch lit by G.W. and are charging forth into a brave new future. After suffering defeat at the hands (paws?) of those monkey-loving evolutionists during the Scopes Trial they've been revving up for a good 79 years, driven on by the sweet taste of payback. No longer willing to lay back and give in to the Gay Agenda (TM), the proud civic leaders have hatched a plan to slam their backdoors shut and resist the coming invasion of married hairdressers and home decorators.

(Correction: As Attorney General Asscroft has kindly pointed out, the brave Creationists actually won in 1925. I'm afraid that I, like many other unguarded soldiers, fell victim to faulty memory and too-many-to-count insufferable "Liberal propaganda disguised as community theatre" productions of Inherit the Wind. Yes, the Left-Wing Media Conspiracy has no limits.)

I feel it my duty to point out that if they are taking on crimes against nature, they're also going to have to pass ordinances against mullets, accordions and Hillary's mirken franchise. But more power to them.

"We need to keep them out of here," Fudgate said. Exactly. If we're going to create an inclusive, freedom-loving democratic society, we have to make hard choices about who we want to include.

And G.W.'s bro is fighting the good fight in Florida. Faith-based prisons. Yes, even in the middle of a swamp, a man can find salvation. I figure by their numbers, every prisoner will spend just shy of 5 hours in religious study each day. Oh, Jeb, you softee! Why not 8, 12, hell 18 hours a day? Job training and integration isn't for you guy until you embrace the Lord!! Even if they end up wandering the streets, at least they're on the same page spiritually.

But back to Dayton. They've tapped into a solid vein of truth. Tourism? "We're the straight missing link. Come visit!" "No same-sex monkey business here!" Once they start ticketing the monthly stonings for adultery and promoting the "candy-stealing" kids put in stocks, they can tap into the historical tourist market. "Pioneer lives, modern judgment. What could be better for your family vacation?" Or, as Dayton's tourism board proclaims, "Dayton, straight up, dude."
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Welcome back to the General. We all wish he found the Godly paddling he was looking for. I'm here on and off for a bit while he settles in, but I may be putting down anchor somewhere for my own site soon. I appreciate the manly, back-slapping welcome some of you have provided and look forward to slapping you back soon. Not gone yet, just a bit infrequent for now.

Yours in Manhood,
LCol. H.B. Spectre