Nobody expects the conservative inquisition!

Dear Bishop Sheridan*,

I was very pleasantly surprised when I read the following in your May 1st Pastoral Letter (pdf):

Any Catholic politicians who advocate for abortion, for illicit stem cell research or for any form of euthanasia ipso facto place themselves outside full communion with the Church and so jeopardize their salvation. Any Catholics who vote for candidates who stand for abortion, illicit stem cell research or euthanasia suffer the same fateful consequences. It is for this reason that these Catholics, whether candidates for office or those who would vote for them, may not receive Holy Communion until they have recanted their positions and been reconciled with God and the Church in the Sacrament of Penance.

Although I'm very happy to see that the Church is starting to deal with these errant voters, I have to wonder if the denial of communion is enough. After all, what is stopping the sinning voter from repenting after the election so that he or she might resume taking communion? Indeed, they haven't actually sinned until they casts their vote for some stem cell research funding supporting servant of Satan. One could confess the next day without missing communion at a single Sunday Mass.

I think we need to put the fear of God into them by reinstituting the Inquisition. Imagine how quickly errant parishioners would remove their Kerry bumper stickers once they've been shown the instruments of confession. I bet the mere mention of the rack would be enough to convince them that election day might be best spent in the company of lonely monks at some remote monastery.

It shouldn't be too difficult to get the Inquisition up and running again. There must be dozens of good men who would make great Grand Inquisitors. Is Donald Rumsfeld Catholic?

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, Patriot

*Sent to Bishop Sheridan's executive assistant, Most Rev. Peter J. Howard.

Update The General received a response and will post it, along with his respone to it, later today, after he does all the things on Mrs. Christian's vile "to do" list.