Defending freedom by proxy

Rudy Takala
Cadet, 101st Fighting Keyboarders

Dear Rudy,

I just read your latest column at Alan Keye's site, and I'm as angry as an evangelist at a cartoon convention. Please name the blogger who posted the picture with a red target on your forehead? I want to go all Charles Manson on that guy. That would be the manly thing to do--at least that what you said in your column on manliness.

I'm also very angry at those who would suggest that you trade in your keyboard and Cheetos bowl for a helmet and an M-16. They don't understand what people like us are trying to do. We believe in the absolute rightness of this war--that's why we market it. However, that doesn't mean that we should make the same sacrifices we urge others to make. That would be stupid.

Are there no jobless or impoverished people left to fight this war? We have careers and schooling to think about--priorities are priorities. We can't waste a few years, or worse yet, our lives and limbs, by actually participating in this glorious war to defend freedom.

It's 2005 not 1941--we now know that it is more honorable to urge others to fight than to enter the battlefield ourselves. That's the great responsibility with which we are burdened as owners in the ownership society.

I hope you aren't letting these vicious attacks get to you. Remember, you're doing this country a great service by urging others to risk their lives bringing American-style freedom to ungrateful brown people.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Note to readers: Many of the quotes Rudy used sounded as if they came right out of our comments section. It looks like he may have mistaken our readers for Frenchmen. That's a shame, because I'm sure your emails were meant to be supportive.