Renew America
Dear Ambassador Keyes,
I just read that you threw your daughter, Maya, out in the street and cut off her college tuition money because she's a homosexual. Good for you. By taking this stand, you've reminded us all that ideological purity is more important than familial bonds. I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision for you to make. It's hard to find campaign workers as loyal as Maya. No matter how much you denigrated her during the campaign--telling her she was evil and calling her a selfish hedonist--she remained silent and continued to work hard. It's unfortunate that she couldn't take that loyalty a step further and marry a man who she could never truly love. That's the problem with kids in today's permissive society--they no longer unquestioningly follow their elders' orders.
It's too bad she isn't a few years younger so you could send her off to a good Christian boarding school like Bethel Girls Academy. Today, I read that they are still applying the principles of Christian correction at BGA. There are few things that'll turn a rebellious girl around faster than having a principal kneel down on her pelvis and pull back on her arm until he breaks her wrist.
Heterosexually yours,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
