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Monday, June 06, 2005

Dishonorable Discharge

I was saving this title until my penicillin regimen was complete (I think a lot of good, godly men want to forget about the iniquitous Saturday night that preceded Justice Sunday). Unfortunately, an event has occurred which requires me to use it a little early.

One of the first rules of warfare is to stay true to your mission. I broke that rule this weekend and I've paid a terrible price for it. The General is no longer welcome in the ranks of the Protest Warriors. I've been dishonorably discharged.

I have no one but myself to blame. I know that the Protest Warrior's mission is to fight dissent within our borders, yet I proposed an operation that fell far outside that simple mandate. My plan, Operation Integrity, would have endangered Protest Warrior lives by placing them in Iraq.

It all started with a note from Sergeant Major JJ Honeycutt, commander of the Protest Warrior's Inland Empire (Spokane, WA) Chapter. I've received many emails from SGM JJ in the year since I joined PW, but in this one, he seemed a bit more desperate than usual. I think HQ might be leaning a bit on him because of the high failure rate of his missions. Five out of six are listed as failures on the PW web site. Operation Campus Collaboration is his one success, but that's only because the objective, watching Our Leader's acceptance speech with the Gonzaga College Republicans, was so easily achievable.

Anyway, here's his email:

Subject: HQ chapter broadcast: Protest Warriors

So I have been out of the loop for awhile with things... mainly a new baby. My daughter [] was born May 15!!! Anyhow, I am looking forward to getting things up and going again. We need some ideas and some volunteers. The last few missions have been utter failures because I cannot do them by myself. We need some serious focus and motivation.

I want to have a chapter meeting soon so any suggestions on date, place, and time would be appreciated. I want you all to please respond to this email. Let me know if you are still interest in being a part of this chapter. If not, just drop me an email to let me know. I need to weed out the meek and /or lazy. If I don't receive a response I will recommend a possible courtmartial and dishonorable discharge. HAHA... That means I will take you off the list.

If you may be concerned with conflicts in your schedule and upcoming missions and you still want to be part of the chapter let me know. There are still ma!
ny opportunities to help the chapter behind the scene. I just need some confirmation of your intent.

Other than that I hope we can get some stuff done this summer. I want a successful mission under our belt. I also want to apologize for my absence. I tried to get someone to cover but I received no feedback. Also check out the Washington forum and post your thoughts and ideas.

For Freedom,
JJ Honeycutt
SGM, Inland Empire Chpt.

Commander JJ's begging caused me to feel a little guilty, because I haven't been pulling my load. After a few minutes of consideration, it occurred to me that I might be able to put together an operation to help JJ out. Many, if not most, of the warriors in the Inland Empire Chapter are either students or unemployed. "Perhaps," I thought, "we could all go to the recruitment center in Spokane and sign up to serve in the military."

I quickly put my thoughts into an email to all fifty-one members of the chapter.

From: "Gen. JC Christian, Patriot"
Subject: Re: HQ chapter broadcast: Protest Warriors

JJ, I agree that we need to get a successful mission under our belt. We've all heard about how the military is not meeting its recruitment goals. We're facing a manpower crisis. When I look at our membership, I see a lot of able-bodied men and women of military age. I say we hold a rally at the recruiting station. Then, after a few speeches, we all go in and sign up.

Heck, we can always fight the liberals later. It's time to take the Protest Warrior flag to Iraq.

I received two emails in response. The first came from reader Kent's sweetheart, Risawn, who's serving in Kosovo, and the second from Commander JJ, who noted that he did his service during peace time.

Other than that, nothing. None of the other forty-eight warriors responded. That includes: Ben Lange, an unemployed student; Daniel Brutocao, President of the Gonzaga College Republicans and member of the school's golfing team; Steven Himes, whose PW profile lists his hobby as "heroics;" Bill Benson, who claims to be an expert in "terrorism threat assessment, physical security;" Jane Provinsal of the Gonzaga College Republicans; and Cody Clary who claims to be a ninja.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not condemning these fine warriors for not responding to my call to sign up for military service. They did the right thing. Unlike me, they understood that fighting in Iraq is not a part of the Protest Warrior mission. They understand that their skills are needed here at home; their fight is with the dissenters.

It all came to a head on Sunday, when our old friend, Chad Coleman from sent the following note to the men and women of the Fighting Inland Empire Chapter:

From: "Chad Coleman"
Subject: Re: HQ chapter broadcast: Protest Warriors

Attn All PW's

Gen. JC Christian, Patriot is a liberal troll, a filthy pagan, and he worships the prince of darkness on a full moon. He has been seen hanging around gay bars, drawing pictures of ding-dings, trying hard to be funny and sedective to little boys, as well as operating a blasphemous, and highly homosexual website known as

JJ, remove him from the list.

Not one to stand still for such slander, I replied:

From: "Gen. JC Christian, Patriot"
Subject: Re: HQ chapter broadcast: Protest Warriors

I won't stand still for such slander. I'm a true patriot, a god-fearing Christian, and above all else, one hundred and ten percent heterosexual.

Let's put this nonsense behind us and move forward with Operation Integrity. Those of you who are too old to serve can bring your sons, daughters, and grandchildren along to sign up. Our country needs us.

By then it was too late. Commander JJ sent this short message in response:

Subject: HQ chapter broadcast: Protest Warriors

Hey, I found your website... neat stuff. I subsequently deleted you from the our PW chapter. Thanks for the memories.


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