Countering the fetislamist threat

Sen Nancy Schaefer
Georgia State Senator

Dear Sen. Schaefer,

I enjoyed reading about your speech at Eggs and Issues on Saturday. It hadn't occurred to me that abortion is at the root of all our immigration problems. Your idea to save fetus-Americans from being aborted so that we can turn them into sub-minimum-wage workers was absolutely brilliant. The only thing it lacks is a homeland security element.

How do we know that all of these fetuses are truly American? We really can't be sure who their fathers are. That creates a blind spot in our security that a bright Al Qaeda operative or people smuggler will eventually find a way exploit. We know that Islamists are as committed to forced childbirth as we are. I'd bet that there are a few who, like me, are so pro-life, they store their little spermatislamists in mason jars down in the cellar. Give them a turkey baster and we could be awash with fetislamists before we even realize our defenses have been breached.

I'm not sure how we counter that. We could allow the Minuteman Project to go out on womb patrols, but how will they know whether a newborn brown baby is a terrorist, a foreigner, or a citizen? We can't expect a newborn to prove his citizenship by answering questions about NASCAR.

Maybe the answer is to license sex. Pastors could do the licensing, and the Minutemen could be on hand to witness conception. That might be the answer. We'd need to flesh it out a lot. You could do that while you're writing the bill.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

A helmet tip to Doc in Lafayette's comments.