Rev. Donald Spitz
Army of God
Dear Rev. Spitz,
Thank you for leaving a comment on my Mainstreaming Our Confederate-American Heritage post. You're absolutely right. I erred in labeling Eric Rudolph a terrorist. It was a typo. I meant to call him a Hero of the Glorious Conservative Christian Cultural Revolution. While I freely admit that I'm a terrible typist, I have no idea how I could have gotten so many letters wrong--that is, I have no explanation other than it must have been the work of Satan, or as Tommy Thompson might claim in a friendly, respectful, and complimentary kind of way, the Jews.
Fortunately, my readers are all good god-fearing people. They understood what I meant. They know how I feel about Rudolf's war against Christianity's greatest enemy, the Olympics. They've witnessed my own anger over the blasphemy that is greco-roman wrestling, a "sport" that makes a mockery of the greatest of the ancient warrior traditions, Spartan-style wrestling, by requiring that the contestants be clothed and their Spears of Manly Domination remain sheathed.
As harsh as your comment was, I'm very glad you made it. It gives me an opportunity to talk to you about an even greater evil. It's a practice that kills more Americans than any other, including abortion. Of course I'm talking about the Great Tube Sock Holocaust in which billions upon billions of our tiny Spermatazoan-American brothers are murdered every year for a few seconds of pleasure.
I've been working hard very hard to liberate our Spermatazoan-American citizens and provide them with safe, secure homes in Mason jars I keep in my cellar, but I'm starting to think that maybe it isn't enough. Nobody is doing anything to stop those responsible for the slaughter. Perhaps it's time for the Army of God to go to war against the masturbaters. Heck, maybe you could even ally with the Family Research Council to fight it now that Tony Perkins is an admirer of the Phineas Priesthood.
Gen. JC Christian, patriot