The Pope ain't no Primate

Bill O'Reilly
The O'Reilly Factor

Dear Mr. O'Reilly,

Although I'm heartened to see a media personality finally attacking the Pope's legitimacy, I'm dissapointed that you didn't go far enough. Intelligent men like you and me understand that by attacking a Daily Kos commenter's statement that the "Pope is a primate" you are actually attacking the Pope, but what about the average Fox viewer? You know your audience. We're talking about same guys (and they are all guys) who believe Michael Moore hid Saddam's WsMD in the same mass grave in which Bill Klinton buried the 578 people he murdered in Mena, Arkansas.

They aren't going to understand that by denying that the Pope is a primate, you're actually questioning his legitimacy as the Bishop of Rome, one of the few positions in the Catholic hierarchy in which the incumbent is allowed to use that title. And as far as them getting your little implied joke about him not being a member of the order Primates, forget it. You blew that completely. Even had you gone on to say he was actually part of the order Carnivora, they'd never associate his meat-eating with his special relationship with Monsignor Georg Gänswein.

I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm taking you to task. That's not the case. As a Christian conservative, I'm thrilled that you're taking on the Whore of Babylon even if only obliquely. I pray that this is just the beginning.

Heterosexually yous,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Something Different: A lot of you have sent me this. Thanks, but frankly, I'm just too horrified to comment.