Shoot the liberals

Chad Groening
American Family Association
One News Now

Dear Mr. Groening,

I have to admit I was a little worried when I saw you had written an article about Lt. Col. Buzz Patterson's latest book, War Crimes: The Left's Campaign to Destroy Our Military and Lose the War on Terror. Far too often, when his name appears in print, it's accompanied by words and phrases like "rabid," "insane," "crazy," "foaming at the mouth," "strangelovian," and "fucking nuts."

I should have known better. One News Now is not your average secular rag, it's an official organ of the American Family Association, and as such, you're always going to treat Lt. Colonel's righteous rantings with respect, no matter how deranged they might appear to the secular public.

I like your approach. It's much less confusing your way. Let's take a look at how you reported this story and compare it to how the secular media, say the Washington Post or CNN, might have gone about it.

After establishing the Lt. Colonel's credibility by noting that he once carried the president's nuclear codes, you quote Patterson saying:

The Left has become a fifth column...I don't think that we can win either this war against global islamic extremism or any other war without first coming to grips with the fact that we have this internal enemy that we have to defeat from within.

You follow that quote with a series of other statements reinforcing Patterson's argument that liberals should be lined up and shot.

The secular media wouldn't have been so accommodating. They'd have followed the quote with a sentence similar to this: "Democrats, in an act of extreme partisanship, accused Patterson of overstating their support for our terrorist enemies."

See how confusing that is? Your reporting is much easier to understand. It was also very helpful of you to end the article with this note:

Editor's note: Websters defines "fifth column" as a group of secret sympathizers or supporters of an enemy that engage in espionage or sabotage within defense lines or national borders.

I'm glad you did that. It guides your readers to make the proper conclusions about the extent of the left's treachery.

But as good as your article was, it wasn't perfect. I'm very surprised that you didn't define the other big words you used in the piece. Think about it. How many of your readers understand such complicated concepts as "entrenched" and "demoralized?" A little more hand-holding was needed.

I'm also surprised that you didn't address one of the left's most insidious methods of undermining our national will: the use of lattes to pollute our precious bodily fluids. I can't tell you enough how much damage their lattes can do. It's been over a year since my last cafe mocha and I'm still having a hard time filling a pint-sized Mason Jar with liberated spermatazoan-Americans every month.

Ed Vitagliano, wouldn't have allowed you to overlook such an important piece of the story when he ran AFA's news operation. You know I'm right. His pieces outing Lenny the vegetarian shark, Dora the Explorer, and Bob the Builder as homosexuals are legendary. You're going to have to try harder if you want to continue the high standards he set.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot