Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

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Thursday, March 20, 2008

Commenter Strike!

I have a guest blogger tonight. Many of you may recall the heartfelt eulogy for Jerry Falwell he posted here awhile back. He's had it a little rough lately. Please be kind in your comments.
--The General

Many of you remember me. My name is Tinky Winky. I was the star of a very successful television show, the Teletubbies. At the time, I thought was living a dream. I had everything a felt-skinned mutant could want: fame, money, magic dust, constant sex, and 15 sports, 11 shopping, 12 movie, and 37 hard-core porn channels available on a television embedded in my stomach.

That all came to an end when Jerry Falwell outed me as a homosexual. It was just too much for PBS to handle. Sure, they had no problem promoting a kids TV star who had an antenna growing out of his head and a digital tuner shoved up his ass, but the minute someone points out I'm carrying a purse, I'm out.

I know it sounds like I'm a little bitter, and I suppose that maybe I am, but, in the balance, I think it was probably a good thing. If I had continued down the path I was traveling, I may have ended up like my co-star Po, playing Star Trek clips on my gut at conventions in order to feed a raging smack habit.

Instead, I found Jesus, overcame homosexuality, and eventually started a ministry offering reparative therapy to other children's television stars. It's been a very successful ministry. So far, I've liberated 13 stars from the clutches of the homosexual demon, including Lenny the Shark (twice), Squidward, Bob the Builder (two or three times a month), Dora the Explorer (3 times), and that carrot from the Vegetales. But you wouldn't know about it, because the homosexual-controlled media refuses to report it.

I hoped I could do an end run around the media by telling my story in Atrios's comments. I figured my comments were just so brilliant and my cause so right, he'd have no choice but to reprint them verbatim on his front page. But that didn't happen. He simply ignored me. I suspect it's because he's a secret supporter of Bert and Ernie and their homosexual agenda. Heck, I wonder how long it'll be before Atrios is touting the stability of Bert and Ernie's decades-long relationship as evidence that love trumps plumbing, or at least implied plumbing.

We can't let Atrios and his ilk get away with it. They've neglected us for far too long. That's why I'm asking you to join me in a commenter's strike. Let's just see how long they can survive without our content.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.