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Monday, December 22, 2008

America's Country Stars Go to War

When Islamunistosatanicfascism raises it heretical head, the stars of country music go to war. That's the message I received when I picked up my special edition copy of Salute to America And Our Troops ($3.49--available until Dec. 31st) at the local Piggly Wiggly.

Toby Keith went beyond the call of duty in his service to God and country. He told world Islamunistosatanicfascism to go straight to h-e-double-toothpicks by gaining no less than 100 lbs between shooting the cover and doing a little happy dance for our grateful troops. Take that Osama bin Dixie Chick!

And Tracy Byrd, Big Kenny "I'm Not Compensating" Alpin, and Aaron Tipton fight the enemy by getting plane rides. Charley Daniels takes another approach--he airs out his crotch for victory.

Barbara Mandrell and Danielle Peck defend America by skydiving.

A whole host of country music's greatest stars strike fear into the hearts of America's adversaries by painting their guitars in the colors of Old Glory.

Alan Jackson, Brad "I'm not a DFH despite my name" Paisley, Aaron Tipton, Garth Brooks, Toby Keith, the late Buck Owens, Brooks & Dunn, Troy "I Kilt An Old, Caged Bear For Jesus" Gentry, and Charlie "I Love To Air Out My Crotch" Daniels ain't afraid to paint their axes for a quick buck and a great photo.

But most importantly of all, our country music patriots know that we can't fight a war without a huge arsenal of chauvinistic, xenophobic, emotionally-exploitative hit songs.

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