Blessed Arrow Ministries
Dear Mrs. Irons,
I am awed by the good work you are doing with your vasectomy reversal ministry. If I were less of a man, say perhaps a 7 or an 8 on the manly scale of absolute gender, I might have even shed a few tears after reading the heartfelt success stories written by the Gammages, Brights, and others. I understand their pain. I too have a grenade related problem I need your help to correct.
No, I haven't had a vasectomy, but I'm certain my grenades are damaged--probably from a milking machine incident that occurred back in my younger days. I don't really want to get into that now, but I've learned my lesson and have rededicated myself to a life of purity.
But you see, even though I've changed, the damage has been done. There is something inside my grenades or the tubes feeding from them that changes my seed and causes me to father darker-hued children. Joshua Jr. is so brown he looks like a Mexican. That's not an exaggeration. I've stood him next to our neighbor, Mr. Garcia, and they are spitting images of each other.
The same is true of little Jason and our milkman, Mr. Watanabi, and our dear Esther and Dr. Washington, the school principal. It's very embarrassing. Especially when Joshia calls Mr. Garcia, "daddy." I don't know why my wife, OfJoshua, encourages that, but I suppose it's to hide her own embarrassment--I mean they look more like a family than we do.
So, I'm asking for your help. Could you get one of your doctors to take a look at my grenades and see if anything can be done to fix them?
Heterosexually yours in a chaste and biblically acceptable kind of way,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot