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Monday, April 27, 2009

Bill Nye the Science Guy insults God and Texas

We teabagger-Americans have put up with a lot--jokes about grenade sucking, comments about the intelligence of someone who supports Sarah Palin and Joe the Plumber, homosexual teletubbies, sushi--but, by God, we don't need no fancy Seattle science guy coming down to our national homeland, The Republic of Texas, and tellin' us the moon ain't Jesus' light bulb.

Yep, you heard me right. Bill Nye came down to Texas and blasphemed the Lord God of Abraham by claiming the moon does not have it's own light source; it merely reflects the sun.

Here's an eyewitness report:
The Emmy-winning scientist angered a few audience members when he criticized literal interpretation of the biblical verse Genesis 1:16, which reads: “God made two great lights - the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars.”

He pointed out that the sun, the “greater light,” is but one of countless stars and that the “lesser light” is the moon, which really is not a light at all, rather a reflector of light.

A number of audience members left the room at that point, visibly angered by what some perceived as irreverence.

“We believe in a God!” exclaimed one woman as she left the room with three young children.
Yes, we believe in God, Mr. Nye, and you're just damned lucky we didn't follow the prophet Elisha's example and have God send a couple of she-bears to eat your secular ass.


  1. it DID happen.

    However, it was in 2007.

  2. The denial of Jehovah has staying power, like my Ethel's meatballs.

  3. The thing is, what Bill was doing wasn't denying God, Gods, Jesus or any of those other foreign deities.He was claiming God was a trickster.

    God has tricketh his flock by not having 2 lights like he said, but one and a reflecting panel, like that demon-art that steals your soul, photography. This is saying God is nothing more than an older and less gay looking David Copperfield. That kind of thing hurts a follower. Bill should apologise. God ain't no trickster. David Copperfield is not God.

  4. Poor Bill. He really should have stopped at "Why Some Farts Are Flammable". He had the audience eating out of his hand, and wanting to test his explanation right there. Science in motion, I tell ya! Then he had to go and ruin everyone's fun by bringing the dark sciences and black magick and Alistair Crowley into the room.

  5. These Reflectofacists are mocking God's work in the skies above Texas. God could stop this blasphemy but He's tired. Really, really tired. Wiped out. Spent. Running on empty. Bushed.

    Why, He's so tired, I bet we could hypnotize Him right now! Look into my eyes, Yahweh, Father of Chubby Little Jesus. Look into my eyes and...dude, look into my eyes! You have to concentrate or it won't work! Look into my eyes! Do you want to quit smoking or not?

    Let the Lesser Light guide you, and the Greater Light...what are those, aluminum panels? You're sunbathing? You think this is a joke? I am hypnotizing your monotheistic ass so you can quit motherfucking smoking and you're acting like you're George Hamilton! Har de har har! Go ahead and smoke, you theological abstraction! You heard me, punk! You can't fire me: I quit!
    Sorry for this non-sequiter. God loves you. Smoke 'em if you got 'em.


  6. why is jesus trending right now?

  7. I've known that Nye guy was a commie rat ever since he used to make "appearances" on a late night comedy show in Seattle. Here's an example of his subversive humor:

    Laugh if you dare.

  8. General, Sir:

    I googled him, just to see if there was some way to soften the blow to the pride of the biblifools. NO such luck. I thought maybe he had a middle name like Robert or Raymond, so's he could be a BillyBob (like our friend, the Rev. Neck) or BillyRay (like the no talent fuckwad country singer, Mr. Cyrus) but, alas, his middle name is Sanford. BillySandy just don't got no "ooomph". Sorry.

    The good news is it don't matter, nohow. He's a jewboy and you know they are all heathenish mofos, like the mooslims and Cath-O-Licks. A loving GOD will smite them, bless their smoldering corpses.

  9. BillySan is one of them there Japaner names. Maybe this science-guy is really a furriner!!

    No wonder he is trying to destroy 'Merica! He's an asianofascistcommiegayabortionist!

  10. Science has no place in Texas, dammit!! Next thing ya know, they'll be a-tryin' to put it in our textbooks!


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.