Former Village People Cop
cc:
Rep. Patrick McHenry
United States Congress
Charlie Crist
Candidate, US Senate
Dear Mr. Willis,
Thank you for finally coming out of the closet and declaring your heterosexuality. I've always discounted the rumors that the Village People were homosexuals. I mean, just look at you; a cop, a cowboy, a construction worker, and Indian chief, a sailor, and a guy who looks like Joseph Farrah and likes to wear leather--you can't get more heterosexual than that.
I'm also very relieved to hear you've cleared-up all the confusion about that YMCA song you wrote. I don't know how anyone could hear that and come away thinking that it was anything but a song about hangin' out with a bunch of straight guys at the gym. I mean, how else could lyrics like this be interpreted:
So anyway, I was thinking you could do a fundraiser for one of these guys, maybe Charlie Crist, at a place like the YMCA but much more political--Rep. Patrick McHenry's Hostel for Young, Strapping, Republican Lads would be the perfect place.
What do you think? Can you get up for it.
Heterosexually yours,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
Dear Mr. Willis,
Thank you for finally coming out of the closet and declaring your heterosexuality. I've always discounted the rumors that the Village People were homosexuals. I mean, just look at you; a cop, a cowboy, a construction worker, and Indian chief, a sailor, and a guy who looks like Joseph Farrah and likes to wear leather--you can't get more heterosexual than that.I'm also very relieved to hear you've cleared-up all the confusion about that YMCA song you wrote. I don't know how anyone could hear that and come away thinking that it was anything but a song about hangin' out with a bunch of straight guys at the gym. I mean, how else could lyrics like this be interpreted:
You can stay there, and I'm sure you will findThis hetero thing seems to be giving your career a bit of a boost, and I'm wondering if you could use your revitalized celebrity to to help others. Specifically , I'm thinking about helping conservative leaders who've been erroneously outed as being the gay--you know, guys like Larry Craig, Ted Haggard, and Bob Allen who like to celebrate their heterosexuality by slurping on some random guy's todger every now and then. We all know there's nothing wrong with that as long as you pass a few anti-the-gay bills while they're at it.
Many ways to have a good time.
It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A.
It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A.
They have everything that you need to enjoy,
You can hang out with all the boys
So anyway, I was thinking you could do a fundraiser for one of these guys, maybe Charlie Crist, at a place like the YMCA but much more political--Rep. Patrick McHenry's Hostel for Young, Strapping, Republican Lads would be the perfect place.
What do you think? Can you get up for it.
Heterosexually yours,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
