Truth Assembly Czar
Dear Mr. Hewitt,
It's good to be reminded occasionally that Obama is black and, therefore, must be feared. That's why I enjoyed Kristen Atkinson's townhouse.com column about voodoo in the White House (for some strange reason the column disappeared but can be read here) so much. The letter she wrote to those wicked snarkmongers at Wonkette wasn't bad either.
I learned a lot from both. For instance, I didn't know that Michelle Obama's mother practiced voodoo right there in the East Wing. Now, I guess we now know what's going to happened to those turkeys he pardons next Thanksgiving. Mrs. Robinson is going bite their heads off and use the blood to increase Sarah Palin's IQ to a level that will be unacceptable to the GOP base. We might as well forget about 2012.
I'm more acquainted with your blogger's other claims, but it's still good to be reminded of them in print like this:
Do you really, truly, seriously think it is OK for a president to use a forged birth certificate? Do you actually believe it is appropriate for a man who was raised a Muslim to pretend he is a Christian and go to a church for 20 years with an anti-American preacher? Do you really want a president who was brainwashed by communists since he was a child, up through university, to hate America to be our president? Do you think that it is fine if a family member of the president defiles the White House with voodoo? Don’t you know what fate could befall our nation as a result of allowing Satanic forces to gather over the White House?But your columnist missed some of the worst practices taking place in the White House. Are you unaware of the "rain room" they have there, next to the presidential bedroom? I'm told all sorts of strange rituals--unthinkably perverse acts that would have been inconceivable to previous Republican residents of "the People's House"--occur there.
After 8 years of a president sent by God to lead the American people and rescue us from the horrors of 911 and Islamo-fascists, it now boils down to this?
Like skyclad witches at a demon summoning, the Obama's enter the room unclothed, floppy bits jiggling to the cadence of their excited steps. Once inside, the president manipulates a series of strange levers protruding from a wall and a warm, but artificial and magical, rain begins to fall. It's as if God, upset at the depravity that is about to come, is weeping angry tears of damnation upon them.
The President then begins a silent incantation, running his hands, fingers, tongue and lips across the First Lady's body, seeking out her secret holy places and defiling them with the same slow but eager passion real Americans might apply to caressing the triggers of their assault rifles.
The First Lady reciprocates with her own series of silent invocations, focusing on the source of our greatest fears, his long dark seductive shaft of connubial potency, until it raises it shadowy head in that certain way that invariably sends terrified Southern Baptists screaming into town halls.
Then, as the First Lady leans her back to the wall, the President takes hold of her seat of demonic power and eagerly lifts her into a position that will allow him to pierce her with his Terrible Throbbing Spear of The Marxian Dialectic, driving his proletarian mass deep into her bourgeoisie, over and over again as she repeatedly screams our Lord's holy name in the most blasphemous manner possible.
Finally, as the President's rounds his lips like some maniacal mackerel, his body explodes in a mighty shudder and he breathlessly pants the words, "Oh yeah."
And God's hot tears of righteous hatred seem to rain even harder down upon them.
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
A helmet tip to Mr von Ebers