On the Sixth Day, God Created the Trumpet

Sherry Melby

Teacher, Sedalia School District #200
Band parent, Smith-Cotton High School Band

cc: Bradley Pollitt
Assistant Superintendent
Sedalia School District #200

Dear Mrs. Melby,

Kudos to you for opposing the Smith-Cotton High School Band t-shirt which featured Dawinunistofascist imagery. I'm in total agreement with your statement that you "don't think evolution should be associated with our school." Indeed, it shouldn't be associated with any school as far as I'm concerned.

It's refreshing to find a school teacher who's so committed to reviving ancient suspicions about science. Things like evolution, heliocentrism, and plate tectonics cause our children to question the literal truths found in our Holy Bible, and should, therefore, have no place in our academies of learning. I long for the day to return when teachers, like yourself, instruct our children to hide under their desks until a solar eclipse passes, least they be struck down by the angry God who took the sun away. I hope you're doing that.

As for the band t-shirts, I fear that simply destroying them is not enough. You need to do something about the philosophy behind them: this "brass evolution" idea that somehow "brass instruments have evolved in music from the 1960s to modern day." The band students need to hear the truth. They need someone like you to stand up in front of them and say, "On the sixth day, God created the trumpet," and then tell the story about how the trumpet was lonely, so God created a coronet out of its spit valve to be its companion. And then how Satan, taking the form of a french horn, got them thrown out of Mr. Jehovah's band class for stuffing those mute cone things in their bell holes.

Only then, can we be certain of our children's salvation.

Heterosexually yours in a chaste, biblically appropriate, and non-mute-cone-stuffing kind of way,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot