Faithful Word Baptist Church
Dear Pastor Anderson,
Satan's out there, whispering into the ears of your fire alarm business clients, telling them to cancel their contracts with you. And now, you're beginning to feel the pain. That's what your sister said in a post at the Faithful Word Baptist Church Listeners (password protected) web site:I'm sure by now you've all heard about the recent media attention my brother Steve has gotten about his preaching. What you may not know; however, is how this negative publicity has affected him and his family. Not only have they been repeatedly harassed and threatened, but this has all but destroyed his fire alarm business--he just lost his biggest client over this!This is terrible news. If your slide into bankruptcy continues, you may suffer the same fate as the Edwards family: your followers (or was it your wife?) will hack your blog and mock your children for living in poverty.
But I guess there'd be a silver lining. Your family would qualify for socialized health care.
Becoming unemployable is the price a pastor pays for praying for a president's death. It was bound to anger people and convince them you're insane. You knew that. Now, it's time to accept your role as a martyr.
Not that being a martyr is a bad gig. Martyrdom is Sarah's Palin's cash cow, and it's a cow she can ride straight into a GOP presidential nomination. You might be able do something similar by parlaying it into a lucrative teaparty career. God knows, those folks never grow tired of threats against presidents (Democratic ones, anyway).
But then again, maybe you could use your threat-issuing talents to save your business. Get all of your followers together to attend imprecatory prayer-a-thons at local businesses. Tell the owners it'd be a shame if the prayers prompted God to rain fire and brimstone down on their businesses. I bet they'd buy your alarms then.
Please tell Zsuzsanna I'm looking forward to reading all her new bean recipes.
Heterosexually yours,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
