Rep. Louis Gohmert
US House of Representatives
Dear Rep. Gohmert,
I've opposed hate crimes protection for the gay since day one. Like many of those who've been washed in the blood of the Lamb, I consider such laws to be an infringement on a Christian's First Amendment right to spread the gospel by employing the Holy Steel-Toed Boots of Witnessing.
But your speech changed my mind.
You see, until your speech, it hadn't occurred to me that the law would allow people to have sex with the dead. Corpse sex might be an option for a lot of us. Dead people never complain about your hygiene or the fact you sometimes shoot the television to stop the socialism from soiling your living room carpet.
Sure, some people might object, but dammit, it's not like you're doing something as sick and perverted as masturbating.
Heterosexually yours,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
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