Superintendent of Schools
Plano Independent School District
Dear Dr. Otto,
I never understood the controversy over your decision to allow the Gideons to distribute Bibles to students. I mean, hey, we're talking about Bibles, the Word of God, not something as wickedly subversive as young adult fiction.Now, the Bibles are finally in the hands of the students, and we're seeing the kids put them to good use. Some are inhaling God's Word via the smoke of sacred herbs. Others are using the Bibles to literally pound the Gospel into the heads of the un-Jesused.
That has to make you smile.
But as well as it went this year, there is still room for improvement. Next year, for instance, you could ask the Gideons to hand out heavier Bibles. The ones they're giving out now are way too light. Being hit by such unsubstantial scripture only humiliates the Jewish kids. Wouldn't it be better if they had cuts, contusions, and concussions to remind them of the Lord's mercy?
Sharp metal edges would be nice as well.
Heterosexually yours,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
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Thank the Good Lord (Hallowed be Thy Name -- take that! you "peace-be-upon-him" Mahometans) that they weren't being whacked by anyathem Koo-ranic verses. Because I've heard that will leave burns on a good Christian's skin wherever that work of the Devil touches. So if anybody ever smacks you upside the head with a Queeranne and you're not even singed, you better ask yourself if you're REALLY right with God.
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