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Tuesday, November 17, 2009

She ain't afraid of no Vietcong king

Update 2: Amazon put it back up. You can cast your vote if you missed it the first time.

Update: It looks like Amazon killed the review. They've done this to me before. I'll appeal it. Sometimes that helps.

I'm sitting in a hospital waiting room right now. My daughter is having her 22nd surgery in 29 years. I'll deal with Amazon tomorrow, but please send your own complaints as well.
•••

Here's my Amazon review of Going Rouge by Sarah Palin. Please consider Giving it a "helpful" vote so that I can continue my string of writing the "Most Helpful Favorable Review[s]" for some of conservatism's greatest authors.
5.0 out of 5 stars Ain't afraid of no Vietcong king, November 17, 2009
By Gen. JC Christian, patriot (Tremonton, UT United States) - See all my reviews
There are many kinds of truth. There are truths based on facts, truths based on faith, and truths based on something that sounds as if it should be true (truthiness). Then there's the kind of truth we find in Sarah's book: stories and concepts that become truths simply because she states them. She's a lot like our Lord and Savior, Glen Beck, in that respect.

Sometimes, she states truths that would be considered ludicrous if uttered by someone else. Her claim that the McCain campaign forced her to spend $150,000 in RNC funds to dress her family in designer clothes is one example of that. Although it might be easier to believe that she acted like a trailer park Zsa Zsa who'd found a credit card left behind at a possum feed, she blames McCain staffers. That's good enough for us, because we have faith; we want to believe her truths.

But the book isn't perfect. As much as I enjoyed the few short paragraphs in which Mrs Palin laid out her policy objectives, she could have condensed it all into one sentence: "I'm going to grab an Oxo Good Grips Stainless Serving Spatula and go all mavericky on your non-white, non-Christian and non-heterosexual butts."

The book also fails to expose Mrs. Palin's intellectual brilliance and keen grasp of foreign policy issues. Why wasn't the text of her recent speech in Hong Kong included? Although it remains secret, it's rumored that she viciously rebuked the Vietcong king for his assault on the Empire State Building. That's a speech we've been waiting for nearly 75 years to hear. It's big news and should have been included.

As you read other reviews of this book, please remember that Mrs. Palin has many enemies who are eager to pan her work. The Palin family's most potent nemesis, Levi's johnston, is no dpubt fully erect and ready to spew globs of misfortune upon them for a third time. And reason-adoring intellectuals are certain to point out that an interview on Good Morning Topeka doesn't qualify as a policy summit in the Far East.

But a few bad reviews won't stop her. She's seen much worse from her kitchen window. It can't be pleasant to gaze upon Antichristograd every morning as you brew your coffee.

My review isn't complete, but I think I'll quit anyway, because writing reviews, like governing, is just too darned hard to finish.

Elsewhere: My Carrie Prejean review gets a mention in a God damned furrin paper.

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13 comments:

  1. You have my votes, Dear General! Remarkable that the cover gives no credit to any other writer.

    I did watch her on Oprah, and was shocked, shocked that O was so gentle with her; but Sarah P did acquit herself better than the Gosselins, I thought.

    My sympathy is with her children.

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  2. General sir!

    I hope your minions are not the ones voting down Rich Merrit's review,

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  3. Sarah's the only one who can keep our government out of the constitution. She is a hero to all of us who can't see the Interstate from our trailers!

    ++++

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  4. trailer park Zsa Zsa who'd found a credit card left behind at a possum feed

    Hoooooo Agggghhhh! Jesus, you never cease to amaze. The non-ending was perfect!

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  5. You great review has been pulled by Amazon... sigh. Free Speech my skinny ass.

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  6. Yep. Your review is gone.

    Should we start blaming socialism now or is it to early?

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  7. Yeppers... gone gone gone. Orwell had it soooo right

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  8. General,

    If they're going to dump your review, they should be dumping all the sincerely written positive reviews where the reviewer clearly didn't read the book.

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  9. It's the software-assisted, insincerely written---for Dollars a Day Working from Home---reviews that opened the glorious doorhole to "no dpubt fully erect and ready to spew globs of misfortune", IMHO.

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  10. One way to keep the General's review around: go drop a comment at teh discussion "Where did this hilarious 5-star-review go? COME BACK!!!"
    http://bit.ly/ZQ8gv

    Someone did put in a link to patriotboy, so straighten up and look sharp!

    (Am@zonk doesn't let me comment or browse anymore. It mighta been something I said...)

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  11. "It looks like Amazon killed the review. They've done this to me before. I'll appeal it. Sometimes that helps."

    Amazing! Someone at Amazon has moral rectitude.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.