Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender
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Tuesday, December 22, 2009
The Navi meet Animal Planet
Posted by
Anonymous
A band of sushi-eating testicles save Avatar from Egyptian censors.
Is Avatar as heterotesticular as "The 300"? I don't got no farsee device as you well know (I'm still waiting for the CIFAlytics folks to update your home entertainment equipment so's I can get that 1954 RCA 7" B&W cabinet model that you've been using). I don't go the magic lantern shows either. if they can make the pitchers by magic, howscum they can't make the money by magic, 'stead of charging me $11.00 to get in? And don't even get me started on the fucking concessions' prices! Anyways, Sir, if any of your loyal readers would like to send some used but unscratched DVD's of recent blockbuster movies like "Ishtar", "Gigli", "Expelled" or whatever to the troops just have them put my address on the shipping label. Please, please, pretty please with a line of peruvian marching powder on it--don't send PORNOS!! The troops are unruly enough as is. Otoh, if folks are unsure about what constitutes porn, all the more reason to send it to me--I can safely vet it for the rest of the troops.
Y'know what, Sir? It might just be better if people sent money (certified checks, specie or money orders, preferrably) and I will try to take time out from my busy schedule as NCOIC of the Motor Pool, chief mechanic, head test driver, chauffeur, majordomo factotumlackey and general manager of "Feelin Good Gent's Club" to do a little shopping. And, Sir, just to ensure that the entire amount of the donations for the troops Morale Improvement Liberry Fund (MILF) get used for THAT purpose, I will need a little cash for travel expenses. A certified check (or a wire transfer to the bank in the Grand Bahamas) in the amount of $17,932.06 would be just right.
At least they weren't cheese eating surrender monkey testicles. That would have been unAmerican.
ReplyDeleteGeneral, Sir:
ReplyDeleteIs Avatar as heterotesticular as "The 300"? I don't got no farsee device as you well know (I'm still waiting for the CIFAlytics folks to update your home entertainment equipment so's I can get that 1954 RCA 7" B&W cabinet model that you've been using). I don't go the magic lantern shows either. if they can make the pitchers by magic, howscum they can't make the money by magic, 'stead of charging me $11.00 to get in? And don't even get me started on the fucking concessions' prices! Anyways, Sir, if any of your loyal readers would like to send some used but unscratched DVD's of recent blockbuster movies like "Ishtar", "Gigli", "Expelled" or whatever to the troops just have them put my address on the shipping label. Please, please, pretty please with a line of peruvian marching powder on it--don't send PORNOS!! The troops are unruly enough as is. Otoh, if folks are unsure about what constitutes porn, all the more reason to send it to me--I can safely vet it for the rest of the troops.
Y'know what, Sir? It might just be better if people sent money (certified checks, specie or money orders, preferrably) and I will try to take time out from my busy schedule as NCOIC of the Motor Pool, chief mechanic, head test driver, chauffeur, majordomo factotumlackey and general manager of "Feelin Good Gent's Club" to do a little shopping. And, Sir, just to ensure that the entire amount of the donations for the troops Morale Improvement Liberry Fund (MILF) get used for THAT purpose, I will need a little cash for travel expenses. A certified check (or a wire transfer to the bank in the Grand Bahamas) in the amount of $17,932.06 would be just right.
Thanks, Sir. Also, Sir, Merry Chrismakwanakahnalia!
Oh, Sir:
ReplyDeleteI meant to add that I love that photo in the post. Was that one of Maxfield Parrish' "Blue Star LSD Tattoo Period" works?